One of the symptoms of emotional neglect or invalidation of our real feelings is that we become co-dependent, disconnected from our own insides and gut feelings, being led to believe there is something wrong for having these feelings, being shamed for having certain feelings, stuffing your true feelings to gain acceptance from the parent or person who couldn’t cope with them or tried to convince you they were wrong.
I just came across the following book on Amazon yesterday and was lucky enough to borrow it from the library
In it the author Jeanette Elisabeth Menter outlines her own history of growing up with emotional abuse and neglect and gives steps to help you get in touch with factors which led to developing a distorted relationship to your own true feelings and needs.
The following paragraph really spoke to me so I am sharing it here:
Undoing your earlier programming and allowing your true feelings to be heard may take some time. You won’t trust them at first because you will feel vulnerable. By being willing to feel, you open yourself to some things that will hurt. You will survive it. Instead of using false emotions to build walls for protection, you’ll begin to let authentic feelings come through. Be patient with yourself as you may over react from time to time. Feelings are powerful. “Getting in touch with your feelings” isn’t just a cliché; it’s a priority if you are ever going to have a sense of (being) truly alive.
I would add that it is faking it with our emotions in order to gain approval as a result of our true feelings being shamed, dismissed or misunderstood which leads to a feeling of depression and lowered vitality over time. We may not be conscious of this before we begin our emotional recovery from trauma and co-dependence but we can trust our feelings to lead us in the right direction over time.
One thought on “Connecting with your true feelings”
Your posts are a great resource for me as I struggle with the same issues. Thank you.
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