Shame runs very deep for most traumatised people. Profound self loathing (seeing yourself as disgusting, unlovable, worthless, useless, incompetent and hopeless) can even help you make meaning of traumatic life events and still survive in the world. In experiencing shame you are incorporating the violations of your body, spirit and mind as if these acts provide indisputable evidence that you are inherently not good enough. In other words, in feeling shame you become what was done to you. You conduct your life with intense disgust directed at yourself. Such inadvertent attempts to annihilate your essence can lead to suicide. In shame, you only know yourself as the excrutiating pain and the complete aloneness. Shame is the ultimate re-enactment of trauma.
The truth is that your essence is untouchable. Your essence is beautiful, lovable, pure and precious… no matter what!!!
Learning to treat yourself with unconditional love, compassion and respect will take courage, tenacity and determination. There is not a painless way to form new beliefs about yourself. It takes heroism to learn and practice self – supporting skills in personal, social and vocational circumstances. Ironically, you will probably feel very uncomfortable with being loving to yourself: you might well have a need to feel uncomfortable.
Your core theories involving shame are formed by traumatic circumstances, and these foundations need to be slowly and surely dismantled within the container of unconditional love and compassion for yourself. Your discomfort can be observed, accepted, soothed and survived with the active and loving presence of your wise self.
You can learn to establish and maintain eye contact, to be present in the moment, to listen attentively to other people and respond accordingly. You can be curious about everything and seek out wonderful experiences.
YOU ARE NOT THE SHAME YOU EXPERIENCE
Excerpt from Evolve with Trauma : Become Your Own Safe, Compassionate and Wise Friend.
Related link: Freeing yourself and understanding self blame