Darkness eclipsed

Darkness

Maybe you will never be gone from me

Maybe you are a part of my soul

Balsamic moon baby

Little one born before the Moon could be seen

When it was disappearing in deep space

Into a void

Of silence

Were you born to be the witness

Of all this pain

Of the fragility of relationships and human care

Of the agony that occurs

When endless goodbyes

And cleaving seem unrelenting

Leaving in their wake

A pile of ashes

Or a smouldering fire

You must tend alone

Looking around

No one seems to see

How hard it is

How much you struggle

How close you come

On some days to death

 To saying

This burden is too heavy to bear

Crushed

Like a lead weight

Your soul sinks

To the bottom of the ocean

And you become

A pile of sludge

But then

Just as you think

Death and depression

Have defeated you

A wave rises

And with raw power

Sets its surge inside you

Bidding you to fight

With all your might

Against extinction

And although you are exhausted

And feel as though you cannot go on

Somewhere else you know

That if you just trust

And hold yourself

In the centre of this wave

Riding it

You will rise again

Distilling difficult wisdom

And heartbreak

Into this seed

Which becomes

A black pearl

You place

Inside your heart

Then the darkness

That almost eclipsed you

Will become only

Dark memories you carry

Of all, that in passing

Awakened you

To the value of light

Deep mysteries

Of undoing

Of becoming

That with time

Allow the light to dawn

Over the horizon of your soul

No longer so eclipsed

By doom

Write

Write

Its all I want to do

Pour out words

As dusk descends

Bleeding night into day

Dark into light

Pain oozes forth

Between the spaces of words

That others write

Reminding me

Of how much pain there is in a soul

And in the world

Pain that so often

Others cannot bear to know

And so tell us to forget

But we will not let ourselves

Be so cruelly deceived

Anymore

Hold fast and true to your pain

 Beautiful poet

Squeeze those words that tell

Of the letting of blood

Let them stain the page

So we can know

It was not all in vain

Because someone here

Hears

And really wants to know

By the sea : Michael Faudet

The book of poems I NEARLY bought today is a collection by the writer of the novel Dirty Pretty Things, Michael Faudet.   I managed to find his poems on google and this is one I love.  Most of them in the collection I saw today are poems about lost love.

Poetry

Where would we be without poetry to express the pain and other intimations of our deepest soul?  I admire all the intensely beautiful poetry here on WordPress shared by so many brilliant bloggers.  I struggle to write my own prose poems that provide a fountain that can flow out so coagulated pain doesn’t settle like a stagnant swamp inside my silted and at times blocked channels or organs.

Today was one of those struggle days filled with panic attacks I was fighting my way out of.  In the afternoon I just took myself off for afternoon tea and then to the local bookshop for a browse in the poetry section.  I came across several volumes that really inspired me.  I had the usual inner argument over purchasing the one that spoke to me the most and ended up leaving the store without it.   I realised though how poetry is food for my aching soul on the tough days.  And so often I come across a blog or a reblog of an amazing piece that just takes my breath away often on the site of either The Feathered Sleep or One Wise Woman just to name two of my favourites.  So this blog goes out to say thanks for what you share.  For reading my own humble attempts.   I was writing poems and a diary from about the age of six due to a childhood in which there was no adult to really talk to about what was going on inside.  My blog started when someone was kind enough to share poem I wrote.  Without that help and inspiration I may never have thought what I had to say was worthwhile, but now I know just the sheer fact of someone expressing their soul is a major achievement.

Without WordPress life would be just so much emptier.  Keep writing all you amazing poets.  Keep collapsing and crumbling and sharing about it here so your implosion can become art and inspire others!

Girl behind glass

Girl behind glass

Your heart is aching

As it pumps its blood

Circulating

Through

Vital organs

Growing cold

From being left alone

Too long

Unseen

You cry

And no one hears

Or if they do

They don’t understand you

Curious thing

Mother says

You make too much noise

And your needs and feelings

Are an inconvenience

Go away

Don’t bother me

With your strange ideas

And even stranger feelings

That make me hurt

Reminding me of failures

And buried wounds

I never dealt with

Fixed gaze of attention

Turned elsewhere

Frost on your soul

Trapped behind glass

Heart arrested

With longing all in vain

There is no where to turn

But deep inside

Seed of becoming

Dead quiet

No one is coming

And the only way

Of becoming

Requires of you

A travelling forth

Memory of ocean

Kept you imprisoned

Swimming deeply in your cells

For 5 long years

Ocean was

Isolation

Loss

Wilderness

A solitary scream

Heard by no one

But your own body

Longing so deep

For all that could not be recognised

For all that you could not express

When you are not seen

It seems to your soul

As if you live such a long way off

Body and being voided

You search for redemption in the sky

But it is not coming

Now the challenge is this

To become earth bound

To land

To walk across earth

Grounding

Being

Becoming

Hurts like hell

But that hurt is just birthing pain

Surrender to it

Open

It is the pain of your becoming

The pain of the husk

Breaking open

To release the seed

Of your self

Wednesday Adult Alone

On Wednesday

I will go alone

No longer the child

Adult me will take

Young child me along

And finally be the adult

She needed all those years

As they put the needles in

And take the eye tooth

Or what is left of it

After its splintering

Silent tears will fall

Like ghostly rain

As ancestral mist

Fallen down upon a soul

So alone

There was no way of knowing

Its plight

Survivors both

We will weather this storm

And let the consequences come

Knowing there comes a time

When the ransom

Of wounded generations past

Exacts its toll

On the child

Wednesday will be the day

Mercury’s day

Day of siblings

Siblingless child

Alone on the stairs crying

Her cries will echoes

Along the corridor of Wednesdays

As aged Mother

Feels in her heart

Silently

The despair of a motherless child

Who took so long to grow up

But now in facing

What must be faced

What needs to be done

Becomes an adult