The deeper a heart breaks
The more love it can hold
Only an unfeeling world tells us to get over our emotions and here I am talking about the real and true and human responses to hurts in life, rather than the angry grievances we can keep on stoking when we refuse to affect some hard facts about this emotionally numb and wounding world.
Alice Miller called her first book on narcissistic child abuse The Drama of the Gifted Child originally, later it was renamed to The Drama of Being a Child. I wonder at this now, obviously we all started out as sensitive and porous but some of us may have had a special magic, gifts or attributes our families could not value, see or nurture in us and how sad it it then, when our only solution becomes one of making ourselves numb or seeking safety in the towers of intellectualization or rationalization. Sadly our modern world is so full of these thinking/feeling schisms.
When I think lately of the lovely sensitive male spiritual and emotional teachers in this modern world, two names immediately spring to mind, Jeff Foster and Lee Harris.. Today I would like to share with you a piece of writing from Jeff Foster’s book The Way of Rest :Finding the Courage to Hold Everything in Love. My guides directed me to it this morning. In this reading from page 87 of the book, Jeff addresses that stupid platitude so many of us get told when we go through hard losses, that somehow implies there is something wrong with us if we cannot move on from hurts or losses easily.. In it he makes the case grounded in his own experiences of processing sadness and pain that it is more helpful to go through these things fully feeling our feelings rather than splitting them off or just labelling them ‘ego’. That is not always the case..
Some of us endure a lot of loss and that may take us away from the mundane world, we may have to go to a very deep alone place in that loss in order to make sense of it, especially if the world around us mocks us, not ever really having any insight into the reality.. I have most certainly experienced this.. Feelings will move through us in time and with the help of being acknowledged and being told to ‘get over’ them not only makes no sense it can be and is very damaging.
Do not believe the biggest lie of all that you are supposed to be ‘over’ something or someone ‘by now’, that ‘by now’ you should be better, immune, healed, or at least, ‘more enlightened’.
If you are ‘over’, then who is ‘under’? If you are ‘better’, then who is ‘worse’? If there is a goal, then who has reached it yet? DON’T SPLIT YOURSELF IN TWO.
Don’t attempt to ‘get over’ your grief, your sorrow, your confusion, the empty feeling inside. Feel these friends and allies totally, allow these sacred and misunderstood energies to move through you like tidal waves of grace. They are not ‘negative’, they are only parts of consciousness, fragments of the totality that want to be felt deeply in your vastness. They have come to cleanse and heal, not to punish. Stop naming them, stop judging them, and start feeling their raw unbridled power.
Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. You are unique, awakening in your own way.
From the perspective of the universe, there is no ‘by now’, there is only Now and no image of how Now should be.
The moment you’ve photographed a wave in the ocean, its already vanished,