Violence against and control of women (and the feminine), reflections upon emotional neglect, power abuse and control and their relationship to thwarted childhood needs.

I felt sick to my stomach this morning listening to podcast thankfully made by a man trying to call out the abusive behavior of men.. I do not know if those people following me from overseas are aware of the furore occurring here last week over departing Australian of the Year, Grace Tame’s calling attention to the fact she was asked not to say anything negative about our Prime Minister Scott Morrison after trying to draw attention both to her own sexual abuse by a teacher as a teenager as well as to the emerging widespread abuse of women in Parliament amongst a catalogue of wider abuse of women.

Last year it came to light that a Parliamentary Staffer Brittany Higgins was raped by someone in government and that it was covered up and despite repeated calls for him to address it Morrison did not seem to be capable of that, nor of taking on board at any serious depth the gravity of the situation..

Then last week a photo was taken showing Grace scowling while standing next to Scott Morrison and his wife who as a toxically bonded woman was trying to shame Grace for a negative attitude.. If that wasn’t enough on line I happened to take a look at some of the comments on the MSN feed and found countless men calling Ms Tame names and saying they wished that she would disappear and that her behavior was (amongst other things) petulant and childish.. This kind of thing makes my blood boil.

As a woman we are not allowed to be angry about legitimate abuse, been through it in my own family with my brother.. In this podcast the man who produced it was being interviewed on ABC Breakfast and saying how many women stay because they are literally in fear for their lives and safety and that then they are shamed or blamed for somehow causing the man to feel angry enough to want to hit, abuse or in some other way emotionally or financially control them..

While I can understand that tempers may flare in a relationship and we have all felt like hitting and being nasty at times, this does not mean such behavior should be condoned or that we should ever seek to disable another’s power due to our own issues… Having seen what happened to my closest sister has made me fear so often for her at the hands of men in our family and knowing how my own life is being controlled on a financial level by my brother made listening to this make me feel just sickened to the pit of my stomach.

I tried to stand up to a couple of those men on the MSN comment stream.. I fight between the part of me that feels scared to do it and thinks it may be best to fly under the radar.. But why is it that certain people seem invested in wanting to silence those who speak out about abuse, call it for it is and then seek to denigrate or label them in some way?.. If this wasn’t enough later in the week a photo was published of Grace Tame taken 8 years ago smoking a bong in an effort to discredit her.. Her response was an open letter trying to explain where her grooming and rape at the hands of teacher at the age of 13 had taken her, the person in question also used alcohol to gain control over her..

As a young one I was fed alcohol and not by a man but by my sister.. That said my father hoped if we learned to handle our alcohol at a young age we would not have a problem with it, doing this to a child who had emotional neglect and next to no supportive engage parenting was disastrous for me.. Yesterday I therapy I was crying deep tears over the knowing that nothing of developing my own addiction to alcohol or drugs was my own fault as well as finally experiencing at depth the complete exhaustion of as a young child being forced into position in life of trying to compensate by taking on a savior/care-taking role for a mother and two older sisters…all of this was far far far too much for me to carry and my emotional blindness into the roots made it nearly derail my life. No wonder I got breast cancer in 2016. Or became vulnerable to sob stories which saw me ‘lending’ money to three separate men none of whom were in a position to return it. And yet now as a adult I must take responsibility for that.

As regards my own escape/addictive tendencies, Yes, in later years I had to learn to take responsibility for it which I began to do from the age of 31 but from then on in my attempts to root out the emotional truth were blocked not only by a woman in AA but by my husband and mother when I finally tried to make a break in 2002. Fighting against giving that power of authority to others who would only lead me astray is taking some time as a pattern to reverse. But the according to Beverly Engel on of the symptoms of childhood trauma and neglect is being gulliable on an emotional level due to the fact we were never taught as kids the best kind of emotional self care boundaries.

As I was crying and crying in therapy yesterday I could not help but think of that powerful scene in the movie Good Will Hunting in which the lead character breaks down with his therapist played by Robin Williams in the movie.. In that scene he is being told over and over by him that the abuse he went through at the hands of his father was not his fault..(and I wish to make the point here that this is not about what men do to women but also about the abuse that in happening to them leads them to also becoming hardened and numb in their emotional side in a culture geared towards toxic masculinity.)

I did not have cigarette burns forced onto me but there was countless other neglectful abuse and physical injuries not to mention emotional scarring and disabilities due to parental carelessness. Despite this my mother never would own a shred of what she or my father had done even if in a letter to relatives a few years before she died she finally made some kind of acknowledgement of how much she had failed me.. In the absence of this I blamed myself as all abused kids do. I then was told in AA I was to blame for the way I reacted, but even if my reactions came out of an attempt to win love at the time they were just misaligned attempts to remain alive, the sad fact is that in later years those turned dangerous, toxic and mal-adaptive.

I do know that these days I have no fall back on claiming the ongoing victim role.. That said if one’s power is being thwarted or stolen and then one is demonised for a legitimate reaction of rage or anger to that in trying to work ones way out and reclaim power, to my mind that is toxic.. I am by no means anti all men in this world but one thing I will say they are also victims of this toxic culture that so often seems to both demonize and devalue the dark side of thwarted feminine power.. Well I am sorry guys we are not going to lie down and take this shit. And I honestly do feel its use by date is being made glaringly clear by recent events that have been occurring in situations such as the one between Prince Andrew and social activist against human trafficking Virginia Guiferre. In a recent post of about 12 days ago I had this to say :

Mars Pluto has to do with power dynamics that arise out of a sense of being humiliated, overpowered or powerless.. So it will be interesting to see what continue to play out upon the world stage over the next 10 days or so of Mars inching closer to Pluto at 27 degrees of Capricorn.. Mercury will pass over it again soon and Venus will follow.

After watching a program that aired on this issue on Sixty Minutes here in Australia on Sunday night I was interested to take a look at the chart of Ms Guiferre and was intrigued to find that her 12th house Mars in Cancer lies in a tense waning square interaspect with the two collective heavy astrological heavy weights Saturn and Pluto in Libra. Guiferre was born in August 1983 which interestingly is the year my brother in law abandoned my sister and returned her to us emotionally broken. As a configuration Mars/Saturn/Pluto has to do with a lack of personal agency, or a need to fight against powerful forces of both authoritarian repression (Saturn) and underground control/power (Pluto). Libra is the sign of ‘making nice’ but it is also related to the law and justice.. Luckily Guiferre has a very honourable lawyer helping her to fight her case for justice which last week led to Prince Andrew settling out of court.. A true coward he could not even front up to what he did but has decided to slide out of it using financial means and it is still unclear as to where that money will be coming from since he is not a wealthy man the bill will probably be footed by the UK tax payer… That is going to open up another can of worms.

In an interview with a former security guard and police officer who worked closely with Prince Andrew during the years of his association with Ghislaine (in- his -lane) Maxwell and Andrew Epstein, the main in question mentioned that Prince Andrew’s rudeness, arrogance, and sense of self entitlement often made him not only unpopular but feared as well. All of those who work closely with the Royal family must sign water tight non disclosure agreements, but in this case the officer in question came clean in an effort to bring out the truth of associations that the Prince was denying.

Mars and Venus are at this point travelling very closely together in the Saturn ruled sign of Capricorn (ruling the monarchy).. they are also approaching the conjunction with Pluto in that sign over the next few weeks.. At the same time they moving through a square to transiting Chiron (planet of wounding and healing) in the Mars ruled sign of Aries.. All of these signs, Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn are on what astrologers call the Cardinal Cross which has to do with powerful forward energetic movement for initiation and change. What this seems to represent to me is that the feminine power is in some kind of ascendency but not in a weak, scatter-gun or ineffectual way.. Capricorn and Saturn have to do with facing harsh realities, needing to be unpopular to honor truth (square to Libra), walking (often completely solo) over harsh and rocky emotional terrain and that dogged sense of inner self determination that makes sure we do not give up (when aligned to Pluto).

The grit and determination shown by Virginian Guiferre, despite the torrent of vulnerability and emotion (Mars in Cancer in the deeply subconscious and collectively influenced and related 12th house ) she has had to expose and work through is shown by both her Leo Sun and Moon in the first house.. Leo has to do with courage and staying true to one’s spirit on both spiritual (Sun) and emotional (Moon) levels.. the current transits over critical points in her chart that also related to those collective signs of both Saturn and Pluto show that in many ways her own individual battle and journey of empowerment is mirroring something deeply archetypal and collective for so many of us, both women and men.

Prince Andrew can be seen as one of a generation of unmothered sons coming out of those dark times of depression and two worlds wars.. Each of the royal siblings seems to carry some very deep emptiness and vacancy on the emotional level and when you think of the massive burden their mother Queen Elizabeth (a Sun sign Taurus) had to assume at such a young age after losing her father weakened by cancer after also having to assume a role his brother abdicated in the 1930s it all makes sense. In that interview with the police officer/security guard Tara Brown conducted and was aired here in Australia on Sunday night he mentioned that in his bed room Prince Andrew had a bed covered in over 30 teddy bears, there was hell to pay for staff if the teddies were not arranged correctly.. This may seem hilarious on one level and was a seeming enigma to Brown but to me it speaks of transference of human emotion onto an inanimate object that could at least provide some kind of comfort for a lonely boy who was never held, cuddled or mothered.. That said not all of us who go through this then turn against and use others gratuitously for our needs. It can go one of two ways on the narcissism/empathy spectrum. Often things go in the reverse direction as they did for Guiferre who then becomes the powerless pawn used in a far larger game organised around the needs and desires of the more powerful and influential players.

Unfulfilled emotional needs (Moon and Cancer opposing Capricorn and Saturn) do not disappear, they just go underground (Pluto) and then can begin to manifest in all kinds of seemingly non sensical highly symbolic or apparently emotionally ‘immature’ or childish ways.. But even the existence of these should lead us to question what exactly happened to this person as a young child to make them so vulnerable to becoming either a victim or a perpetrator? These are questions we need to consider deeply in seeking answers for just how and why so many men and woman carry the grave emotional wounds and scars that leave them so vulnerable to abusing or becoming the abused.

Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

Categories Uncategorized4 Comments

4 thoughts on “Violence against and control of women (and the feminine), reflections upon emotional neglect, power abuse and control and their relationship to thwarted childhood needs.”

  1. A lot of women who’d been, victimized from before, are only, beginning to, speak up and out about, their, experiences, I think, this is due to the heightened awareness of abuse, and, women realizing, that they should not, remain, silent, about, what happen to them in their, separate, lives.

  2. Its disgusting what goes on in this world. What men do and what abuse occurs. I feel sick to my stomach too reading about that woman and the rape and that prime minister covering things up. Shame on him. Xx

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