Crying

I don’t know why but tears are just flooding out of me tonight almost like all the battles of past years have risen up again like a tidal wave and if a glimmer of hope appears I am not sure if I can trust it. Do I trust the Universe to love me or are all of those old fears, suspicions, absences and betrayals blocking my trust? It seems to be the later at the moment and this may be because Mercury Pluto is very strong right now.

Autumn is surely on the way. Those I care about are far away tonight I just long to give them a hug, have a cup of tea go for a lakeside walk, sit under the stars and be close body to body, breathing in the now with them near by..

I miss my Dad sometimes, I long for him, to know him in the flesh, that said he seemed to draw closer in spirit after Mum died almost as if he sensed my wounds and knew I needed his love, I heard sorries from the ethers that felt heart felt and made me cry along with the realisation life and humans are far from perfect and still our task is to love them.

A family friend took me out today for a late birthday lunch it was to a very formal.place to be honest it made me feel a bit sad, it just seemed lacking in warmth even if the food was lovely. Honestly I am just lonely tonight. The Scott situation kills me I cried about it in frustration after lunch with my friend who was soft and kind.

A friend came to me with an investment opportunity but to take this kind of risk well that old demon fear just steps in…I’ve been through so much, so many times I was promised this time he would be free only to be let down again. Tonight it just hurts so deeply but I am sure these feelings will pass. I just really really really miss Scott tonight and so I just need to reach out to the angels for comfort. I am so grateful Lorna Byrne’s book of prayers arrived this week. I trust God and the angels will not let me down.