What is very important : how trauma can sleep inside of us waking at critical life points

Often I heard growing up the saying “don’t let yourself get too big for your boots” and it is interesting as one of my favorite songs as a youngster was These Boots are Made for Walking by Nancy Sinatra.

Maybe I sang it partly in defiance since our family life and Catholic conditioning seemed to be about us not making too much of a noise, or looking for attention, and I am in the middle of reading a biography by the Australian film maker Jocelyn Moorhouse and as a young child and teen its pretty clear her parents nurtured her dreams and encouraged her to pursue her creative passions never actively trying to thwart or diminish them which was the exact opposite of my own experience growing up.

My therapist Kat always tells me it is important I got angry a child at times and fought over that neglect but at the same time, seeing it as a kind of deliberate attack was not a great thing at all. This weekend I have been getting back into listening to Mark Wolynn’s book It Didn’t Start With You : How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How To End the Cycle on multigenerational trauma on You Tube (where you can find an over 8 hour read version) and that is making it clearer and clearer to me that wounding passed down multi-generationally and cellularly is never deliberate. If do not do the work to face where and how the flow of love or desire to attach and bond with other human beings who get us gets damaged or derailed as we develop due to a parent’s own carried issues, nor face up to the roots of depression, lowered vitality, anxieties and stress we carry from earlier traumatic events that remain encoded in our cells and may come to life at critical ages then we end up with heaps of problems later in life..

Mark himself went on a spiritual bypass for some years before spending time in an ashram where he heard a voice telling him to go home and speak to his mother about her past.. This led him to become a healer who specializes in helping those who carry traumatic sentences and limiting beliefs which often lead them to become mentally unwell.

Listening to all of this back over the past few days its made me feel certain that my sister being sent to an aged care home and having high anxiety and shakes (they labeled Parkinsons) is about a similar thing happening to our great great Granddad when he was a similar age..

I just came across the following quote from Maya Angelou in Jocelyn Moorhouse’s book Unconditional Love :

We have some impulse within that makes us want to explain ourselves to other human beings. That’s why we paint, that’s why we dare to love someone – because we have the impulse to explain who we are.

But what happens with the things we cannot tell of or explain?. A lot of these that fall into silence in families tend to end up showing back up in the lives of descendants down the line.

Lately I see how I cut off in my own life from relationships, how death and trauma and lack of parental attunement contributed to that and how that impulse to regress and then explore the ancestral past hit me at about the age of 40 but I also ended up emigrating over to the UK at the exact same age as my great great Grandad Thomas Trudgeon did in 1874. For me that happened also at the age of 37 in 1999. That is not unusual.. Often Mark’s healing work back tracks to locate where the onset of a breakdown, anxiety condition, depression or loss of life and vitality hits burdening the sufferer with thoughts of doom that do not even belong to them.

The feelings we carry are important, they can lend us insight but often we may get fed the message that our suffering makes no sense or our story does not matter or that we are being too self obsessed or some such thing by focusing on our own lives but to explore the way these connect us back to earlier ancestral ones seems so important..

This week I have been noticing again where and when I get the impulse to cut off and isolate.. I am aware of how extreme and emotional too can be my reactions and how much lack of trust there has been.. but when I consider the my great great Grandfather experienced so much tragedy and isolation and heart break too, it does make some kind of sense to me.. And I can remember that there are always insights into the connections that lead back if I take the time to question and to look..

Traumas as Mark points out in his book can live as core sentence, core complaints or core language the revolve around certain fears and hurts, wounds or cut offs that did not start with us at all and are best surrendered, understood and their pain released back to the ancestors by us fully paying attention to it and treating it as important.. But something it is even more important we learn not to continue to carry forward as destructive or anti to new life and hope impulses.

Below are some links to his work on carried trauma that I posted some years back.

Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

Categories Uncategorized3 Comments

3 thoughts on “What is very important : how trauma can sleep inside of us waking at critical life points”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s