Reading through a post I just shared from Sara of The Wishing Tree the words ‘power imbalance’ struck me deeply.. In the context Sara used int in the post, it was the imbalance between a child and a teacher or coach and it related to how the person in so called ‘authority’ could use that power to hurt and also (in many cases) to silence the victim. It also bought to mind the imbalance in a psychiatrist/ patient dynamic where the former is not showing necessary insight into the person under their care and in prescribing certain treatments may actually be locking that person up further into silence or darkness.
I think too of my sister who tried to be a ‘good’ girl and being born on my Mum’s Saturn return (which happens in all our lives between the ages of 30 and 32) carried so many of her own emotional blockages..(both had Saturn in Scorpio but in Mum’s case it sat on both her Sun and Mercury which refers to communication and perception and so many of Mum’s emotions remained silent). My sister tried to revolve around Mum like I did but I was left alone more as a child, I did not have the ‘protection’ of my Grandmother and Poppa as he died when I was only one but my sister got to go and be with them when Mum was working on Friday nights in the restaurant or delicatessan. It makes sense in that context that where the enmeshment did not get a chance to break apart before Mum’s death that her death would have opened up a huge can of worms in my sister and this is not something along with certain physical abuses she underwent that got buried that I feel psychiatry has ever fully addressed in her case.. I think in many ways she may also have carried a lot of my Mum’s low self esteem.
A parent always has power over the child and even more damage can be done if they refuse to face their own history, a point that Alice Miller makes in detail in so many of her books such at The Drama of The Gifted Child, For Your Own Good, The Truth Will Set You Free. The ignoring of it may remain deeply unconscious.. the unliberated truth of what happened to the inner child of the parent will be passed down and as someone with an interest in astrology who has done a lot of work looking at family charts going back 5 generations things that happen as events seem to be carried inwardly as well as the archetypal structures around both mother (the Moon) and Father (the Sun) in our charts and they carry clues into our multi-generational history from both sides. It gets me to wondering how a psychiatrist can truly make sense of a patients carried suffering and history when they remain ignorant of the longer threads of it.
Anyway when something triggers me to write a post I have to do it.. This sense of power imbalance troubles me so much when it comes to mental health, emotional neglect and other issues. Who we give our power to in terms of naming and ‘definitions’ may literally make or break us.. And we need all of our energy for our own deep inner soul dive as well as to trust the locked in history that resides in our lower chakras or energy centres as we begin to do the hard work of making our carried wounding conscious.
Mark Wolynn’s powerful work on carried multi-generational trauma has shown that diagnoses of bi polar and anxiety often do not give voice to the stories and emotions buried and carried both epigenetically and cellularly as well as in emotional patterns we become immersed in. So much of current psychiatry in terms of just using pharmaceuticals does not seem able to bring the hidden trauma history out.. When I think of my sister as a Sun sign Pisces and how hard she worked at times to bring us together as a family and hit so many roadblocks including my own refusal or newly sober inability to face the deeper roots of my own hidden grief, I feel guilt.. deep guilt, but that was not conscious in me before.. its only lately as I look back I see how hard my sister struggled and how hurts he got in trying to heal a wound far far larger than her alone.
It is interesting to note too that when I posted this I went off to check today’s position of planets and the transiting Moon today is exactly on my sister’s Pluto in Leo and two degrees off my natal Uranus…that makes so much sense to me in terms of both parents having Neptune placed in Leo silenced.. Today I was told to google the golden light of Archangel Ariel and the information I found said that Archangel Ariel is the lionness angel or “Lioness of God” and that she helps with the healing of and connection to nature and animals.. The animal power that lives inside of us also relates to our deeper unconditioned instinctive and intuitional knowing that may be magnified when we find ourselves in nature or in our natural element and through meditation we can take our power back as we move into our own energy body. My ancestors often speak to me from the second or third energy centre and I was reading that a lot of the work we do with carried shame happens when we face this where it is buried.. Until we bring it up we cannot fully enter the fourth centre or heart. Its our ability to hold those feelings in love that will make or break us, we cannot always look to others for help with this, most especially the psychiatric profession.