I watched an interesting video by Aaron Doughty last night on not undervaluing ourselves.. Aaron shares each day a video to help others coming out of his own spiritual awakening.. the one I listened to last night concentrated on not putting ourselves down or comparing ourselves with others or worshiping fame..
As if to drive the point home I had organised to meet with a friend from high school last week and the meeting got put off for a week due to illness in her family.. Before we met I was a little insecure but the greeting was so warm and loving and we had loads to share.. My friend opened up that all through her growing up her Mum struggled with her mental health. She also shared even though her Dad was a big drinker and both parents had a lot of conflict, she was loved and nurtured the best way they knew how.. Sadly a younger brother went on to struggle with his mental health as well as schizophrenia and could not end up living alone, is now living in an assisted facility.. His story really reminded me of my living sister who struggles with basic tasks in living but has been left so isolated at times, just like me.
We talked of so many things.. Kerry was studying teaching with me in that first year out of school following my accident and near death.. In 1980 we were both at an advanced college together but one month in my older sister’s aneurysm hit, devastating my life which was already on pretty shaky foundations. The next year (1981), as I have shared before, I took myself off up north with two other friends from college/high school to Uni to start a social work degree with a major elective of honors in political science. At that time I remember I was studying the Northern Ireland conflict in depth and had to do a presentation on it. I was also doing a lot of research into criminology and did a stint at prison viewing the work of probation and parole officers. but of course my studies derailed when I got out of my depth by getting involved with a guy with serious addiction issues and significant trauma, although at that age I did not understand the depth of his struggle or pain.
Later that year I tried to get some distance. That is when I went home the next year I asked Dad to go back to complete my teaching degree and he said no and I ended up disappointing the people who thought I was going back to share a house with in 1982. I met up with them again in around 2011 and they were upset as I only gave them a few weeks notice I was not going back. also at that meeting I was a bit out of it as I was not a big drinker and a lot of them were really hitting the booze hard, but unlike me, still managing to function well, so maybe alcohol was not the real problem at all, all of my real trauma and struggle remained connected to my attachment trauma and ongoing traumatized attachment woundings.. It was in the next year 198s that my sister tried to take her life after being returned to us with a one way ticket.
My friend went on to become the principal of the Catholic School we attended, she studied the Bible with a Nun who was a chain smoker and no longer believed in a lot of it telling the class who had to study it compulsorarily it was all allegorical anyway, My friend says she no longer believes in God but in the immanence of spirit in nature.
My friend spared an hour out of her day to be with me, it felt a bit rushed but of course she has a busy life, 4 lovely kids, 9 Grandchildren and a husband who was her best friend and childhood sweetheart. Never the less coming home I felt okay the sense of sadness and abandonment at leaving her warm presence did not last too long, but i did go get another cup of coffee so maybe that too, came out of abandonment feelings I do not know.. But I was not judged and it was so lovely to meet her.. I really have missed her… I am so grateful she could spare the time to meet up.
Anyway that is today’s update.. Daniel tried to tell me Scott is a scammer yesterday, Scott is denying it and asking me to get details off of him as to how he came about the information he shared.. Scott told me yesterday the Commanding Office is seeking legal advice to see what can be done about the money the military paid to him for wages on the upcoming deployment and how it may be reimbursed or my funds returned.. According to Daniel Scott is part of a duo who have scammed countless other women.. Who is to be believed? And all of this misinformation corresponds with the current Venus opposition to Neptune planet of confusion and betrayal across the signs Virgo and Pisces Right now I do not know, I only know at this point I have to stand alone (but not totally alone), I need to stop devaluing my past and see how well I coped with so much trauma and mental illness surrounding me.. And reading Anita Moorjanis chapter on dialing up my ego in her book Sensitive Is The New Strong i am finding a lot of very helpful wisdom, insight and skills right now.. I do have inner power.. I do not have to fawn, I can tap into spirit and intuition in those places where I most feel that breath of healing enlightening wind..
I also got a biography on the life of Prince Harry from the remaindered stand outside our local bookshop, Paperchain on the way home from my meeting with my friend.. I am going to do a lot of posts on it.. in the book he and Diana are demonized for rebelling.. so much judgement coming out of lack of deeper psychological insight but anyway that is the strong Uranian influence present in both lives.. In other ways the book provides so much revelation into the young Prince’ earliest influences.
I resonate with Prince Harry due to being the youngest too, often the youngest in a family rebels but what is not considered is that how, as a cell in both parents bodies, they carry the knowing of all both lineages went through both masculine and feminine, maternal and paternal and may have a purpose in bringing alot that is buried (Pluto) to light (Uranus). PH was not born in isolation but part of a complex and exceedingly dynamic of interpersonal and inter-collective influences.. this is something I hope to be sharing about more in coming posts.. especially drawing on some of the astrology as I see it from a psychological perspective and his story show mental health and wounding do not differentiate between the so called ‘highest’ and ‘lowest’ social strata.. As I so often conclude in recent posts we are truly all in this together, as part of a giant and vast interconnected cosmic tapestry.
Emerging From The Dark Night 