Everything is burning, as the Buddha taught, and to cling to.our outdated pictures of reality only breeds great sorrow.
It can take time to undo illusions and see a path of loving truth open where once before there was only pain, resentment, hurt, fear, ignorance and misunderstanding. Reading recent posts about parental damage and unkindness passed down on other blogs lately has bought it home to me how much so many of our parents were brutalized, especially those generations coming out of two World Wars as well as the depression.
To be born a sensitive person in this kind of emotionally wounded world is a challenge. In her new book Sensitive Is the New Strong Anita Moorjani speaks at depth on this issue. She recalls how she had to shut her own innate inner knowing and feelings as well as her connection with other worlds, reading it bought back to me the story Lorna Byrne tells in her autobiography of talking with and seeing angels Angels In My Hair. Both women were bullied at school but both heard inner protectors setting them straight that such treatment was most clearly about the wound in the bullies.
Also I am sure if you were part of a Western religion and spoke of seeing angels or having direct communion with God it would have been seen as blasphemy but why not maintain that kind of inner connection as well as keeping fast to the Universal notion of safety and protection as well as the idea of being fully accepted and beloved JUST AS WE ARE INNATELY!
This issue of safety and of having it or not having its development supported within us growing up is something Pete Walker also talks about in his book on Complex PTSD. In the final chapters he speaks of the process of healing from Complex PTSD that he has undergone and witnessed his clients undergo.. He mentions the levels of grief so many of us have to go through as what we are working on healing now is also ancestral He speaks of having to grieve the loss of feelings of safety that would allow us to feel strong enough inside so we felt okay expressing and being our full selves in the world. Because so many of us did not get to develop these our lives grew smaller, we may have missed opportunities to connect or work on developing our gifts.. We may have feared branching out. We may have shut down connecting inwardly and outwardly completely.
In the movie Finding Joe I shared yesterday one of the speakers talked of us growing up thinking we are sheep when really we are tigers, the world would like to turn us into sheep (no insult to sheep here as they have their place) but often it seems the world would rather we dumb down true feelings and inner light or reality as well as our unique God given individuality. And if a child is punished due to that toxic idea that babies or young kids are full of original sin what kind of twisted up message does that give? Taking back the knowing of who we are and reaching to express that is important.
John Bradshaw talks a lot about that issue in his book Healing The Shame That Binds You. In later books he helps us to connect to the inner child and see where feelings of safety, trust, connection and autonomy possibly got severed or wounded in us. Being able to be vulnerable is also something Brene Brown has written on and researched widely…
When we get hurt it can be so hard to throw it off.. For me the brutalizing and shut down lead to a head injury which I have been working for the past 8 years of this blog to come to terms with.. Lately trying to give the love back I miss has been good, but also a challenge at times.. Yet lately I can honestly say self love is something I am feeling.. I actually even allowed myself to sleep in until 10.30 today, that is not something I have allowed myself to do for years
Sadly today I also had to choose to say goodbye to Scott. This hurts and will keep hurting but I tried and tried to help to the point I was totally emptied out.. I have made a new connection and it is a lot more nurturing, more respectful of my boundaries.. I feel the guilt in putting my own needs first but only because that is a new experience for me.. I feared abandonment most of my life and SO THAT PATTERN REPLAYED. IN TRUTH I WAS SO OFTEN ABANDONING MYSELF and I suffered from and struggled so painfully with low self worth.. Sharing with my sister I see she struggled too.. So I looked to role models who did not know really how to love themselves, let alone me..
In Al Anon we say its never to late to give ourselves as well as our inner child the things we needed.. We can remind ourselves we are safe, that is okay to be less busy, stressed and anxious.. We can practice slowing down, being still, connecting to spirit, love, angelic presences and nature..Or practice being energetic, spontaneous and playful too.. We can encourage instead of put fear messages into us.. We can learn to step away from damage allowing ourselves to fully know and experience the pain and loss and damage of it, while also after a time of repairing rage, anger or hurt no longer let it tie us up in knots.. We can learn where our bliss lives and where we feel most deeply attuned and do more of those things.
We also do not need to buy into the paralysing fear voices in our culture.. to me it seems, lately, that most of our new media thrives on this, but we always have the choice to unplug.. Moorjani makes the point that for sensitives we also have to watch what we expose our nervous systems to, we naturally vibrate with what is close to us, so if we want to raise our vibration we must be around vibrations that calm and do not damage or injure. This does not mean we deny darker emotions or experiences but that we do not have to fixate on them endlessly.. We can allow them a passage way through our beings, hearts, minds and souls, we can pray for the assistance to release them. We can also pray to be shown our highest good and we can understand too that we are always connected deeply..to a force of love light and safety that truly wants the very very best for us and will help us, if we allow it to guide us into new and more positive new directions,