A post I was working in two weeks back:
If we are made for relationship, why is it a source of such pain? I guess the answer lies in early attachment wounds, but today when I was reflecting on the impact of parents on the run from Nazism I thought of how hard that must have been, to have to be uprooted from your homeland and forced to another place, often having to sever from connection with loved ones, like the man I met today’s whose Grandmother ended up being killed by the Nazis after being left behind in Germany after part of the family fled for Holland in 1937.
Then today I had a call with my brother and it turns out my only niece is now suffering seizures, we had a talk about the anxiety family history as I know it, I was trying to tell him how I feel anxiety is passed down, has been passed down in our family and we spoke about how Mum’s over-reactions often fueled Dad’s distances and although I did not discuss this with him how I carry both patterns and he and my sister so often carry the distancing once, choosing a silent hidden aloneness of emotional neglect in preference to connecting.. And then to be upset by the way others are which all comes out of their own experiences, well until we understand the roots of how others react as they do, can we really judge at all?
It is lovely for me now to begin to risk closeness again and to know that where ever I may go in the world there is a way to be on good terms with and connect to others. In fact, in the interview I referred to in an earlier post with the indigenous theologian he was saying how a natural earthy spirituality is all about this, its not about escaping, disconnecting, judging or seeking refuge, it is often about being willing enough to let our hearts and mind and bodies and souls open to risk engagement and to find a meeting and possibly an extension of ourselves, for a time, into an alternate world.
Sadly anger and fury may be a kind of ego defense about not getting what we hoped and longed for, and anger may have a message but there is a time to let it go and to realize that perhaps happiness may not be the most important human goal in this life, rather attributes of serenity, acceptance and peace with the reality.. Even if a hard reality.. That said wired as we are for connection when the ones we sought to connect with only hurt, damage, wound or betray us that is so hard too. Is it any wonder in that situation and with a lack of loving, affirming, beautiful, empathic connections, we withdraw, retreat and often stew in terrible pain and resentment for many many years on our healing quest.