Don’t want to be here today

I am flooded right now. I have no power over what my mother left to me.. Now it is down to fucking men having the power and control over everything. My Mum gave my older brother (who is beyond affluent) more inheritance than to her own grandchildren and especially the ones who struggled. And in the end she left it up to me to make it right but how can I when my brother is going to be controlling this for the rest of my life? He is giving all the help under the Sun to one of the grandchildren and ignoring the others.

I am so angry right now. There is nothing I can do sometimes it makes me want not to be here any more, having no control and not even being noticed, and not having the support I hate to be complaining but today it all feels too much. My brother just wants me kept in a box. This is so hard to forgive. My teeth hurt. Spent nearly an hour on the phone today trying to convince my sister to live. And meanwhile where is the energy for my own life? I know we are born for relationship but my family is so disconnected and so avoidant, at times it feels like it will be the death of my sister and I. What leads men to think they can control everything? That makes us silly little women.. Seth Meyers touched on this issue in his Stand Up Lobby Baby.. using the term mansplaining : which means when a man with no idea of what a woman is going through (and zilch empathy) tells her what she is NOT GOING THROUGH.. BUT THE THING IS ITS BEYOND A FUCKING JOKE.. ARE MEN SERIOUSLY THIS WEAK AND IGNORANT AND SCARED???