I had the thought a moment ago that maybe for me growing into myself involves a shedding of who I am not as well as a releasing of old selves and lives.. I thought this as tears fell reading my posts on Cambridge as well as feeling the full impact of this time of year leading up to the anniversary of Jonathan letting me know he would be ending our marriage. It occurs to me know that even that was a time of birthing for me.. I seemed to go into some kind of emotional cocoon from then onwards and then I had the crash of 2005 which made any outer living impossible.
When I get down on myself for all I ‘failed’ to be or do or hold onto, I know now I am not seeing rightly. Truly these things had to go into the fire so I could come out of it.. now as I cry I do not resent my tears and I would never stop the tears of another human being as to me they can represent the most authentic self bursting out and they may also act as strippers away of illusions or denial.
It is said in some psychological analyses of fairy tales the the devil cannot cry, so the evil person is the one who will not allow vulnerability either in themselves or others. In the Wizard of Oz water dissolves the wicked witch and this speaks of emotional truths that I tried to write in a poem I haven’t posted yet.. Crying can soften our souls teas my dissolve some of our hard edges maturing and deepening us and helping us to see where negative ego stood in our way.
Sometimes anger is necessary to burn clean or release the soul but sometimes tears are. So some of us may have lot of crying to do as we shed and grow and change.. That was just an insight that came to me a moment ago I felt the need to put down on the page as it flowed up.