In AA we were always warned about getting too exited and it just occurred to me waiting for my friend that joy is a problematic emotion for many of us..why is that? Why do people get down on us for being happy or joyous? Just contemplating this issue also brings to mind the concept Brene Brown talks about of ‘foreboding joy’. She explains a deep sense of foreboding comes from a part of us that fears loss and that connects happiness with memories of times that happiness was taken. But why not just allow ourselves to feel the rush and uplift of that feeling of loving and connecting and enjoying for as long as it lasts? Why not just allow our hearts to fully open to that experience..not holding on too tight, not ruining it with killer thoughts?
Well I got so excited seeing my friend today and so did Jasper. He barked and danced around while she opened her gifts and then I felt a little bad we had to leave him at home..My friend and I have such brilliant chats about all kinds of things. And she,always totally gets me. This precious gift of friendship and being able to open to love and connection all without trying to destroy or sabotage it with avoidant defences is important and we even shared about this as her current boyfriend can be avoidant at times.
I valued this day with my friend more than words can say. I am a bit exhausted as it was a long drive there and my friend wanted to browse I some shops afterward but I’m so happy this afternoon. I could give to someone who is often so generous with me and we could talk about how tough this time of year can be. I’m not the only one struggling with anxiety and a sick sibling…my friend is too..and we can talk it all over..that just means the world to me. And I could allow that filled with God and life feeling earlier…that really is a sign of progress. For this gift of allowing joy today I give thanks and sm so so grateful