Maybe it takes many turns around the wheel of the year in our life to gain a deeper and broader perspective. Matbe it takes many deep dives into the dark.of ourselves to find our missing meaning, acceptance and inner light.
In the movie Must Love Dogs the central male character Jake shares his view that a broken heart comes back together stronger and far far wiser, perhaps even more capable of loving. Echoing this view in an interview I watched last night between Australian pop singer Marcia Hines and the painter Aahn Doh she spoke of how in her experience her deep encounter with depression ended up making her a far better person. Much depends upon how we handle that prolonged dark night experience as well as the kind of support and empathy we are shown. We can choose to.open to embrace our wounded heart seeing that as a sign of being human and inexperienced as well as perhaps cut off from our True Self and heart purpose in some way or from meaningful connections, inner and outer. Or alternatively reject ourselves and shame ourselves. When I think of my sister’s painful path, I sense, perhaps, this is what is going on for her. Like a small child without a life raft in high seas she has looked to those who SEEM TO HAVE POWER AND ANSWERS and let them tell her her problems are all about rewiring her brain and that is true too but knly partially if it rejects her soul.
I stepped back a little over past days after being so triggered on Sunday. I also took the risk of breaking down with my brother yesterday not only over Sue but this blocked inheritance too. He said he thought it was ‘sorted but it wasn’t. How he thought that I don’t know but he did agree to back date and release my monthly allowance thank God. It made me see he just gets distracted he isn’t ‘bad’ or mean.
Just this little bit of help helped me so much and if I get a chance I will try to talk to my sister’s doctor and share my concerns over this treatment. Right now I feel she needs an advocate. Two.people including my therapist said not to even try that they will just dismiss me. But I am not sure. At least I can try. If I stay silent I won’t feel empowered regardless of how they react to me. After all I’ve battled suicidal depression since 2004 with no medication only inner work. Maybe that is a threat to their largely medical and pharmaceutical based approach but its still a valid way of trying to deal with soul sickness and paralysus/freeze malaise at least in my humble experiential view. Mars is now in Leo opposing that difficult placement of the repressed feminine inheritance, so the timing seems right.
Pease pray for me to find my Lion hearted courage. ❤ And I will continue to pray too for my Higher Power to show me what is within and outside of my limited human control..but there are always angels…..