The Moon squared the Sun at 13 degrees Taurus about 6 hours ago as I write this at 2.55 pm EST in Australia and the Sun and Saturn are in square too as the Moon joined Saturn at that time . As I type this the Moon is smack bang on my South Node in Aquarius at 18 Aquarius. Scott is putting me under so much pressure, apparently a side faction of Boko Haram attacked a military base in Borneo State the other day and killed the Commanding Officer, I believe it may be the African Army he is talking about today but to be honest I felt so sick I had to shut down texting at several points and even go outside and hug a tree as I felt about 240 volts of hardwire Uranian energy going through me.
As an empath I attracted this situation, my first impulse when I knew he was in the military was to cut contact,my exact words that day were ‘the military is tough on souls’ and so it has proved to be.. He is obviously shit scared and anxious to get out by any means he has been pleading and pleading with me but I do not have the financial means to help.. I made the mistake of telling him I have some money in Super fund and now he is pressuring me to get that out.. The Sun and Saturn are hitting my natal Neptune in Scorpio right now and I am torn as he making me responsible for his life and part of me feels so angry about it.. I just kept saying NO over and over and over as he texted PLEASE OVER AND OVER AND OVER.. Its making me feel such a hard bitch.
In his book on the Leo/Aquarius nodal axis Martin Schulman says we make the mistake of taking on others karma and that is shown by the fact my South Node is in the seventh house of relationships.. Scott is under a series of intense Pluto transits right now and Mars is in early Cancer as I write this at 6 degrees in inconjunct to my Moon so that will start hitting him later in the month. I really feel for him, but at the moment I lack the means to help him and as it stands the way they keep asking for more every single time I made a decision I did not share with him never to help again but I I would be lying if I did not say it is all playing on my conscience.. I do trust Scott and I do care for him, so is it selfish to feel hurt and angry he is putting me under all of this pressure and is it wrong to write about it?
I had to take a lot of breaks from even having contact with him this afternoon I just get flooded each time as an empath.. I am trying my level best to set boundaries with him but it is so hard.. I could never put someone I love through this much pressure even at the risk of my own life. I have held my own stuff alone for just so many years now.. So maybe he represents part of my shadow I just do not know but by God its tough.. I am doing all I can to not be overtaken completely by anxiety.. If Mum was alive I know she would help me but my brother has made it perfectly clear I am not to help and that he does not trust this situation and I wonder if he is right, that I should be protecting myself (not about Scott not being genuine.)…. just laying it all out there today.. I really am feeling the relentless (seemingly inescapable pressure) of the Sun square to Saturn today.. Maybe my brother is proving to be a part of that Saturnian boundary force in my life too.. But what if Scott dies? Intellectually I know it not my fault but on a heart level it makes me feels so so vulnerable but all I can hear is the voice of God telling me to put on my armor to deflect the force of what he throwing at me.