It happens so often in life.. Our idea or ideal of how someone or something will be turns out to be way off base, there maybe disappointment we have to deal with when things do not measure up, people disappoint us, or get the wrong end of the stick. I know I am most certainly guilty of this.. Thinking I know ‘the ways thing are’ when they are not… I seem to have fallen short on this at the moment, spent most of last night crying and then having a panic attack over my new ‘fence’. not really what I had in mind when I called the guy in and asked him to put up a new one and he came up with the idea of a garden wall..
Anyway I picked myself up and dusted myself off this morning, got outside and got creative with some ideas of how I can make this new ‘fence’ better.. I had an old broken mirror in the part of the garden and while tidying up I placed it facing outwards against the ugly garden fence the neighbors have recently constructed.. Wow.. the rest of my garden was then reflected back so instead of seeing a wall of wood, I was suddenly instead faced with a wall of green.. All my tears turned to joy as I came up with a creative solution, we would adapt the idea for that section of the ‘fence’ and put up mirrors instead. The man helping me came up with the idea of using solar lights so at night that part of the garden can be bathed in light..
This has been an exercise for me in how ‘disasters’ may be turned into blessings.. There must always be something to do to make good or better creative use of a situation.. At times the blessings may be hidden or hard to find but we need to pray and turn our perspective around someway.. That post of Dr Andrea Dinardo’s really helped me yesterday.. I loved the light and joy in her and how much she emphasized all of the GOOD THINGS that can come out of so called ‘bad’. There is a Buddhist story about this, how something that looks good on the surface may lead to something difficult but then that difficult thing may have blessings and gifts for us, if we just stay open and do not fix or solidify our position or attitude..
The shift of planets from a lot of fixed to more ‘mutable’ signs may have something to do with the shift of perspective that happened to me over night.. I was crying so much last night, I broke down with Scott over all of this deployment stuff, I know many people think I am being scammed but the truth is Scott is genuine.. I was sent photos and texts by one of his colleagues last year who was concerned for him when the military decided they wanted the full amount from him for the Security Clearance Certificate and would not allow him to go home first to verify his account. I still feel upset that the pressure is on me.. I was not responding to texts at all this morning as I had such a rough night…
Anyway I don’t need ‘protection’or advice.. I do feel its best to muddle through and take our learning in the earth school from a process of trial and error, in this life we have to learn from our own experience as each person’s experience can differ.. And we must make an effort or try in order to see how things turn out or manifest in ‘reality’, even if that reality often falls so far short of all of our ideals.. As Saturn squares Uranus maybe there is a lot of argument going on in the world over these two issues. I see it in all the controversy going on here in Australia where a government minister has been accused of a historical rape 33 years ago he swears did not take place.. the woman in question was only 16 at the time and she ended up taking her life late last year after trying to report the crime to the Federal Police and being unable to due to Covid restrictions.. Hearing this really made me cry on Sunday night..
God knows in human relationships particularly between men and woman so much can go wrong and is so so so far from the ideal of care and respect… And then in other issues it seems that so often not everything or possibly anything much will live up to our ideal or mental projections and conceptions….. The fall into reality of our will or ideal being dis appointed.. may hurt or wound us and leave us crying in the aftermath but if we let that flood wash us clean I do believe will find the strength to try again….perhaps with more humility and an more open mind and body that is able to adapt to the result and then seek another path…
I do not know if this post is making much sense today but its always better for me to try in some small way to articulate my mood and trials of the moment… I am still up and functioning and trying to change all of my Aquarian fixity in some small way so that I can be more open and adaptable to the flow of the Universal tide. My Chiron is in a mutable sign.. its the only planet in my chart that is.. I have a strong bias of 7 fixed planets as well as the Nodes.. Adaptablity has not always been a strong suit for me and when I have resisted and hardened things have not gone well at all. I am seeing more and more that the responsibility for those reactions lies far and square with me and me alone.