This is a post I wrote yesterday (Wednesday 10th February)
I am glad I rolled with the will of someone else this morning.. I got up and was bathed in time for the gardener at 8 am. I did a bit of work alongside him, living alone its nice to have the company.. He only stays for under and hour but we got a lot done.. Jasper took himself off visiting the neighbors while David as here so he didn’t really want to walk earlier today.. So I took myself off for a coffee and to the charity shop to have a browse.. I got a couple of tops and a beautiful turquoise pillow case with birds on it as well as a couple of old DVD’s. Went to get some groceries for lunch and stopped to give the older homeless man who sits near the local shops 10 dollars and to pat his dog.. He seems to have a lot of people that know him as the lady was telling me how he rescued his English Staffordshire Terrier and how the dog was being abused, chained up and neglected.. Shed a few tears walking away the dog was so friendly and jumping up for pats. I find that opening my heart to give to someone often can make me cry.. I can cry myself when a stranger smiles at me or does an act of kindness like that lovely older man who took me by the arm when it was hard to walk a few weeks ago following the collapse I had just before my birthday. I am wanting to practice more of these random acts of kindness.
I came home, made lunch then did some more in the garden then came in to watch a movie.. This is one of the best days I have had in ages.. Its just been a combination of things I love to do.. Jasper and I will get out for a later walk soon.. I am beginning to realise that I can make myself happy from within and I am becoming more adaptable to what others want as well if it means I can change my schedule. Feeling less of a focus on past problems and trauma right now than I have in a very long time.. for this I feel so grateful. Having to face all of that pain over my ex earlier in the week seemed to purge me on some level. Mercury is retrograde at 18 Aquarius today smack bang on my South Node, Sun Mercury and Venus conjunction with Jupiter. I feel that sense of belonging to the human family that was so absent for me for so many years..
I am also realising that a lot of what I endured also came down to being a highly sensitive person who could not accept or fully understand that sensitivity.. On that note I found a great resource last week .. a lady called Julia Christina who does a lot of videos on You Tube and is a counsellor and coach. The following video helped me to hear last night.. It made me realise my sister who struggles is also highly sensitive as was my Mum… anyway it may be of help to some followers so I am sharing below.. knowing how we are wired makes life so much easier in the long run.. Practicing both self love and self care means we understand our own feelings, desires needs and what makes us happy and take steps to do more of that, not in a self indulgent way but in a way that makes our life more inwardly referenced, balanced, grounded and serene. Also when we accept that certain things don’t lead to peace and happiness we can stop doing those things.. and stop judging ourselves for having the valid reactions that we do or finding certain things too much of a challenge