Its been a,strange surreal couple of days i felt as I dozed in the bath earner yesterday that I was sinking into a kind of twilight zone. This morning the two streams of energy were more separated and then once again conjoined. I slipped into a deep sleep after waking round 5 am and didn’t wake until 9.30 am. Plus I was dreaming and dreaming
In one dream I was in the front of a strangely designed car. A manic angry woman was driving and she was speeding. I was begging her to slow down. Waking this resonated so deeply to growing up around Mums energy but must also represent how angry I’ve been feeling lately. Angry and sad then letting it all go too.
It took ages to get myself going today then I was close to tears cleaning the kitchen. Trying to cuddle Jasper who ran at the sight of the vacuum cleaner I also felt myself back in that Underworld place I entered after Jonathan and I split. So so hard to describe. Desolate ancestral loneliness. With thought of all other family happily with each other. Only me and Jasper on the outside.
Im sitting by the lake right now. Its 2.20 pm and ive only managed a light late breakfast the spins along my axis and energy clearing was intense earlier on. Im getting waves of energy interspersed with pulls of tiredness. And I missed lovely texts from Scott at 7 am. U just cried after reading them. He saId he’ll let go of trying to come home and do all he can to get my money back. Right now I dont care about the money. I am..learning I can survive on less. I ache to feel him hold me close. Its beyond words this yearning. Dad’s anniversary is in 10 days. Ive let that all go too.
My seventh anniversary of blogging fell on 26 December and I’ve had nothing to say for days. My heart is tired..I seem to be nearly out of words..for sometimes it seems the deepest emotional truths are nearly impossible to express right now. 💙🦋💙