I am realising more and more today how my past neglect and abandonment pain made me withdraw from healthy loving life and registering the deep sadness over all that followed in terms of chronic isolation. Tonight I felt a renewed impulse to want to be alive and giving and involved in life with my heart wide open.. Despite that I see just how often I withdraw out of fear and insecurity. I get a bit self obsessed and then forget that life becomes better when I reach out, while at the same time recognising such isolation was a necessary part of the path where so much that had to be validated was so deeply hidden.
Reading lately how many other people struggle with childhood trauma makes me feel less alone and realise how untrue the idea of being all alone is.. The Skinny Hobbit recently shared this excellent post from Finding Lucy King.
Sometimes we feel alone, it is part of being disconnected, having broken or wounding attachments or being unable to trust we won’t meet the same abuse, but the truth is, as Lucy articulates, that we are all very much in this together. I am a firm believer that in time stigma will be decreased as more people open up honestly about the emotion consequences of trauma, abuse or neglect. There is much to be hopeful for even at a time in the world where fear is running rampant over all kinds of issues..
We do have the capacity to make this world a better place by reaching out, expressing (rather than depressing), and not holding our wounding so tightly to our chest.. When we open to our pain we release it from lock down, our body unwinds, we stop holding our breath and emotional pain has the chance to flow out, our tears help us cleanse, the anger helps old inertia burn up.
When we share with others we are often embraced by those who know the same pain.. And as Brene Brown says, shame cannot live in the light of compassion or truth telling. We are then freed to start moving forward again to embrace life, with stronger awareness of where wounding lay but no longer as defended as we once had to be against life. We attract those who understand and don’t shame us and we get rid of the lie that we believed all along : that there was ‘something wrong with us’ for suffering and struggling rather than it being just an essential sign of abuse, trauma or childhood emotional neglect.