Maybe I could just accept at this time of year sometimes I struggle more. Feelings of sorrow may be closer to the surface and it is perfectly fine to have them. I am not hurting anyone by still loving and missing my Dad while I accept he is gone. There is so much I would have liked to ask and talk to him about but wont get the chance to.. I occurred to me I can reach out to other family but they may not be on the same wavelength and that is okay, they are who they are and where they are at.. I cannot expect them to know my life or to show an interest they do not feel.
I think of the words from the Big Book on Acceptance, that our sense of serenity is, on any day, in a similar ration to the degree of acceptance we feel about life on life’s terms. In AA we learn our will is not in control and we look for what we can improve in terms of making progress while not demanding of ourselves and others that they or we be perfect. We have the serenity prayer to help us accept what we can, change or improve or make what difference we can, and we seek the wisdom to know which is which. Attuning to inner wisdom involves prayer and meditation which, to my mind is a kind of inner listening for the voice of God or angels or whatever.. The demons can get in our ears too and they often spread turmoil rather than peace..
This afternoon just getting back to these principles is putting me in a mindset of knowing I can hold my own sorrow, my own fears, my own doubts and even observe my own self punishment treating myself kindly and gently in the midst of them all without necessarily having to get entirely consumed within any of those feelings. Usually if I do this they do pass on, with time and I feel calmer then.