Worries : afternoon update

I spoke to my sister’s oldest son today to see how he was faring in the face of all Sue is going through.. It was good to touch base but later I worried for my sister as she mixed up key facts in the wake of this latest ECT.. such as that he and his oldest son visited her last weekend and were not at the snow as she told me.. she also forgot things that happened on Saturday when I visited..

I feel my sister has already lost so many memories my fears are now for dementia. but that is me.. I am not going to nurture worry, I try to keep an open mind but these thoughts run over my mind.

Speaking to him I realise we all have a different take on how to cope.. His advice was not to help at all with clothes and to change the subject.. she has enough clothes he said. My Al Anon program encourages me to keep the focus on me not my sister and I do have a higher power to give these worries to. I realised too today, that at times I need to just go visit and be with her and not ‘try’, that thing a friend told me her sponsor said a few weeks ago comes to mind. it was to trust more and to try less. That said in a technological universe in which medicine looks more to science than to the soul I sometimes wonder if we do place our trust in the right things.

For myself today has been a good day.. I got out into nature twice, bought myself two lovely chinese ceramic dishes for meals from the Chinese Art Shop and picked up some clothes I got altered just after Mum died.. those were sitting there for nearly 3 years but anyway, they didn’t seem concerned and one is a gorgeous top with Unicorn on it that I can wear in summer (photo to follow). The weather is warming up so its timely to have those now.

I have written today and found links to some great websites on breath work and ancestral trauma and also kept on top of the garden.. Life seems to be opening up for me, but I still worry for my sister. Getting upset I could not help with the tops seems so trivial now.. but I do feel better for not running around all over the place. I also feel grateful that over the past 48 hours I could reach out to two nephews, that would not have possible for me even one year ago. Today brought me so many blessings. After years of suicidal depression I feel so grateful to be alive.

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