Well I got Jasper and I out by 9 am for a decent bush walk today, came home, had brekkie, wrote a blog and then went to the industrial area to see about new remotes for my garage using google assist with directions (don’t know how this works, but by some miracle it does) only to be told they needed a photograph of the motor to know which remote to give me. I argued a bit before practicing the acceptance part of the steps, mumbling something about how I wished the lady on the phone yesterday had told me this before I made the 30 minute trip there. On the way back home I talked myself down remembering to be grateful for what I could (a sunny day, money to buy new remotes, along with a reminder nothing is perfect!!), drove all the way back home then back again and got the remotes (not programmed though), got to the Persian Carpet place chose two rugs to bring home on trial, came home via the markets, dropping off books to Lifeline there while asking about volunteering, got home with some fruit and veggie shopping and just made lunch!! Phew are you tired yet?? (Remotes still needing to be programmed and carpets unloaded.)
All along I am telling myself to be careful of overdoing stuff.. remember to pace myself, yadda, yadda, yadda.. give me a break. We have a big shot of spring sunshine and elevation in temperatures today thus the surge of activity on my behalf along with seeing with alarming clarity lately how dragged away from the present moment and real life I so often get!
I am glad I managed to respond to the frustration of having to come back home without too much back lash.. though I did kick the wall when I got home.. its all good really but I know handling frustration is not always easy for me… somehow I now have 2 remotes and a small sheet on how to programme them, just hope that is going to work for me because my expectation is that I wont be able to do it…
On the subject of expectations I just got guidance to read the reading I will include at the conclusion of this post. How often do we allow expectations to color our view or dictate the way we interact or relate with life, experience or others? I know I do.. There is a saying in AA that I have blogged about before : “an expectation is a premeditated resentment.”
I took the risk last night to reach out in love to my brother to ask how my niece was after her stroke, turns out she collapsed at the hairdressers 10 days ago and broke her shoulder and now cannot drive for 6 months.. She really is blessed to have both parents close, though my brother lives on the Gold Coast, an hour away during the week while his ‘wife’ lives in Brisbane, they aren’t separated just spend a lot of time apart, he goes up on weekends.. he just hates the city and prefers the coast. I thought of how hard it has seemed at times to try to make a relationship with his family but of how sometimes I haven’t made as much effort either due to the way they are.. My bro told me he works really well and closely with his oldest son. “Just like you and Dad,” I said to him.. I asked him what projects they are working on and he told me they are involved in complex DA application work for an office block they want to build in Brisbane. This is my brother always head down in work but its what he loves to do and lives for..
To make a relationship I enter his world because I would rather do that than stay alienated..He asked me if I had had any joy with the accountant over our inheritance/trust being set up. it made me realise he isn’t actively blocking it and its up to me to take the bull by the horns, sometimes I just sometimes fail to do by falling into that younger sibling role and hoping fo help…
It felt good afterwards to be proactive in touching base with him, instead of being resentful and complaining. I often only see things from my perspective, for sure he will never be an emotionally engaged brother but he has a soft side, I just fail to see it when I end up getting frustrated and angry with him at times, unlike my two otherssisters who were usually softer about him, while also feeling frustrated at times with how disengaged and blinkered he can be some times.. These days I would rather stay connected knowing no one is perfect (most of all me), keep my expectations more realistic and try to look for the good… on that note I will leave you with the following reading.
Unnecessary Expectations
Often, it is my high expectations of what people can give me or what experiences can bring me that leads me to disappointment. When I expect something to give more than it can, I set myself up for feeling gypped.
Expectation sets up a barrier between myself and experience. It makes me feel that if I do not get what I expect to receive, I should block out taking in whatever else there may be there for me. My very expectation keeps me from being receptive to what a situation has to give me because I have pre-decided how something must look in order to qualify as something. Today I will get out of the way of my own expectations.
I am open to what is REALLY happening
It seems to be the fate of man to seek all his consolations in futurity. The time present is seldom able to fill desire or imagination with immediate enjoyment, and we are force to supply its deficiencies by recollection or anticipation.
Samuel Johnson
my older post on this same subject can be found below
Emerging From The Dark Night 