There are things that hurt and are always going to keep hurting, that is a truth I am trying to take on board lately. Certain family relationships will always be a source of pain. With some family members you will feel a wall of opaque glass that allows no two way reciprocity, the person doesn’t get you, they misinterpret you, they cannot seem to hear you, you may start to react in the face of that and that will be used as further ammunition or proof of how impossible you are.. they will often talk to others behind you back but won’t have the capacity to be honest with you face to face, after all, as far as they are concerned you are not worthy of certain things other people are, and then if this relationship affects others it is going to end up hurting even more.
This is not to say our perspective is authoritatively ‘right’ either, but in any case a dialogue would be preferable to stonewalling and shut down.. This evening I just cried all doubled over again, there are certain wounds that just hurt, and sometimes nothing stops the pain. When this happens I have to go down on two knees or all fours and pray, I hand it all over to another power and pray to my spirits and guides, at that point I am ‘beyond human aid’ as it says in the AA Big Book, that is when I have to just be silent and accept.. it hurts, the way some family members react to you and treat you just really, really hurts.