Both sides ; reflections on ‘dark’ and ‘light’.

So often we want to eradicate the darkness.. maybe its a result of the airbrushed culture we live in, that images and ideals rule more than the honest to goodness raw reality of living… that contains mess, uncertainty, confusion and the upside down ins and outs of complexity and paradox that really is part of all creation..

We all create splits and divides and polarities.. we live in a world of dualities : dark and and light, day and night, wrong and right but there are shades of grey or movements of light that accompany the entire spectrum which is circular, not flat out and linear with no bumpy, lumpy bits.

I watched one of my favorite movies The Devil Wears Prada yesterday and as soon as I just wrote the word ‘lumpy’ I thought of the scene where the character Miranda tears apart Andrea’s blue ‘lumpy’ sweater in the scene where she waxes on about the history of color spectrum choices influenced by the design ‘greats’ all with aim of pointing out Andrea’s ‘ignorance’. In that movie what is considered acceptable and chic is soon revealed to be full of dark underbelly of ruthlessness and emptiness… It is a narcissistic world where power and accomplishment and ‘taste’ are seen as inherently more superior.. A world in which you can be cut to shreds or killed off by a look. Inn the end the lead character, Andie decides she does not want to live in that world which is devoid of feeling all for the purpose of pursuing a certain ‘agenda’ geared around ‘success, overcoming and disempowering ‘opponents’ and out playing the players…

In my own life it is a victory for me to be both chaotic and messy at times. I feel good being able to wear my ‘daggy’ clothes and think less of what other’s think about what I am wearing, saying, feeling, doing or not doing.. I am glad I can have my darker or more messy emotions at times without shame.. I even see why I was rejected one time too many for being ‘too real’. Reading that poem by trauma survivor Nikita Gill during the week on Silence and speaking up helped me to see that I have courage to enter places others fear. So what if I get ‘rejected’ I can only go home to myself in the end….

I also know that not everyone in the world will judge or reject me and that the love I always longed for really always rested within my own heart. That said finding a therapist who could act as a positive mirror to me has been invaluable in my healing journey.. without Kat I would not now be moving into a more humble grounded sense of power that I sometimes feel lately where I have the capacity to say ‘Yes’ to what is arising and allow my own True Self to live and be less killed off by fear and introjected, inaccurate ‘judgments’..

These days I can differentiate between emotional ‘warmth’ and ‘coldness’ I always burned with a fire, my ascendant is a fire sign, Leo and Uranus my planet of awakening is in the first house in Leo.. I know now where both Sun and the Moon live for me, and how much our family suffered from the haunted ghost of the lost wounded masculine… all along the ancestral line.. That archetypal theme played out for Mum and my two sisters and I throughout our lives in different ways.. In time maybe it will turn around.. all I know is that when I reach out to father and husband not only myself but others and my family too, then I am working on healing a deep wound that always called out to me..

It was in my darkness that I found my light, it was through my helplessness that I found my power, it was through my weakness I found my strength.it was through feeling not only by feelings but the buried feelings of my ancestors that I found my own way to an inner truth that resonates collectively. Had I rejected all of these things I would only be half the person I am today.

12 thoughts on “Both sides ; reflections on ‘dark’ and ‘light’.

  1. Excellent Mate

    “So many run in fear and scorn to embrace the Darkness but Raw truth is it lives within whether you accept or denied it” E.O.S

    This why so many afflict accountability from the Hero to Villain because it’s all the Villain fault they are so evil” !!!

    Yet if you look at many so called heroes there only a few I see as whole and most humanist

    1.Wolverine one because Logan has many flaws and demons that consume him
    2.Batman- Outta all the super heroes he is most human characteristics- lost his parents to violence witness their murders in front of his young eyes. That change and mold him into becoming the Dark Knight but does he always do the right thing or what is just ?
    3. Spiderman- before he was bitten by radioactive spider that ended mutating his DNA and genetic sequence, he was just that nerdy kid that always got pick on then when he was infused with his powers. Peter Parker could inspire himself to be more to make world around him a better place.

    Does he always do the right thing no but does the Just and righteous will to act

    His Uncle Ben said this ” With great power comes great responsibility ”

    This still reigns true and shows that without Accountability there is no Conviction

    As Villain which I am through in and out as Joker said ” Every one goes looking for monster under the bed but the live within”

    Another Joker stroke of genius is this ” Why should I apologised for the Monster you made me ”

    Slainte

    Alex

  2. The Villain will always be thrashed and dissect as ” The Bad Guy ” but at least the Villain knows what they are and accept all aspects of them and doesn’t try to hide or denied what they are ”

    I maybe seen in many stories as the Venom and many will try to afflict and Scorched at me bit by bit tearing away at my charred flesh but when they need me the most who are they going to look too for resurrection” ME

    Can the hero say the Same ?

    Alex

      1. Thanks Mate

        I just say it how it is you know I don’t sugarcoat nothing

        “I am Raw and Riveting in lacing my Venom and will never apologized for the Sting comes from them to appeased for emotional responses ” E.O.S

        Alex

      2. Well others must bear in mind what you went through, I guess.. i am different in that we were told to silence authenticity in my home and education.. there must be a way to be real and also kind, Its something i struggle to do… ❤

      3. Very true Mate

        There is so many sheep that try to act like wolves”
        But when it comes to rise above they show their true act of cowardice ” E.O.S

        Being noble and honourable doesn’t mean you allow others to walk all over you !

        Never be afraid to be the Crocodile and hold others to Accountability.

        But will tell you this for a lot rubbish they teach in schools in liberal predominant administration god forbid you have your own gut check or ability to say no way that isn’t right ” and question the Kool Aid they want you to drink and accept.

        NO FUCKING WAY !!!!

        “As I said before no matter how genuine or transparent your conviction is in your actions there will be always others that view as the Venom in their story ”

        So many are afraid to be the Villain and Vilified I have absolutely no problem being so because I am Real !!!

        Can they say the same ?

        Alex

      4. Anytime just reading it right now Mate

        The Villain never apologises or denies what they are in all aspects they embrace.

        As Joker says ” Why should I apologized for the Monster you made me” Joker

        Also says many will always afflict and want vengeance on the Villain but truth is this.

        The Murder goes in search of his next victim only to realized they are trying to get rid of themselves ”

        We are all capable of wicked actions

        The difference between the Hero vs the Villain is not clear cut black n white( The Good Guy vs The Bad Guys)

        “Villain doesn’t hide what they are or run from who they are ” E.O.S

        Can the Hero say the same or are they truly the bad guy trying to be the good ashamed to be seen in their Raw State without concealment or masquerades?

        Think about Mate if you want to you can use some those as well

        It sees that my Raw Venom is rubbing off on you lol

        Slainte

        Alex

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