this afternoon I am feeling how much there is to let go of, things I want to change, things I invested energy in I want to drop.. I just saw that the Moon entered Capricorn this hour… I see a sense of reality emerging from inside the pain of feeling all I went through these past weeks with the build up to the longing to meet Scott after two more years of this.. and then the empty space of silence, the message from someone else, the photos, his confusion and more demands that now make it untenable and I know I must let go.. I don’t want to do online anything at the moment apart from my blog.. I just want to be in life..
someone else is messaging me and I am tired out by it all, very grateful to be invited tonight to my sister’s place for a meal.. I know I have to centre myself within the things that are mine… my writing, my house, my connection with Jasper and the random meetings I have with strangers that have the potential to become friends and I see how holding onto the past is so ineffective.. if something is meant to be it happens, things with Scott never worked out and its time to let it go.. I just cannot to do it any more.. I finally found peace last night when I prayed to God and asked over and over for the serenity to let go of the things I cannot change… I used my angel cards to get guidance this afternoon and I meditated and lay on the ground and just surrendered to the longing and sadness in my heart for the man I came to know and believe was true..
I am beginning to realise that it is only in and through the heart I find freedom, my mind isn’t helpful a lot of the time.. its just full of monkey chatter…. I am indiscriminate at times with what I share when I would be better to seek my own inner guidance and counsel…these are things slowly being revealed to me.. more will come I guess but when I get revelation then it is time for me to surrender to it and to vocalise it in writing helps… At the moment I am just opening my heart and soul and deeper being to insight inner guidance and I no longer want to be fighting against reality. I will be much more wary in the future of people with an agenda pushing me to places I just do not want to go.