Getting overwhelmed : a broken shoe lace!

My ex husband replied to my email on Tuesday and due to being so busy I missed his reply.. It made me cry to read his reply, his second marriage ended and he gave me news of his mother, sisters and niece it sparked an avalanche of memories and sadness…but also gratitude for the happiness we shared.. when he told me he cycles around Somerset and to his allotment and has the care of his 13 year old daughter it makes me feel so sad in some way.. I still love him a lot, I realised (from the depth of feeling I felt at reading all of this).. I always will. there is such a pool of forgiveness around me at the moment but God I miss the UK at times, the land of my ancestors.. things are tougher there but I miss it so much.

I just broke down on the phone with the water company, they were replacing the meter and just knocked on the door to say they broke one of the pipes and there will be no water for hours now.. they said I would get a call but when I broke into tears the guy freaked and said he was referring me to customer care.. as yet there has been no call…..I get overwhelmed by these kind of things so easily.. my chest felt all caved in. I remembered writing this that people say that alcoholics or those in recovery ‘cry over a broken shoe lace’ the truth is that its not that thing but the other losses and breakages it summons up, the feeling of things being so far out of one’s control and the sense of loss that comes as things are taken or changed or we are invaded and things broken or damaged by others… the feeling we can have things happen to us we didn’t cause and cannot change. maybe it makes us feel how it was as a child to be so young and feel we have no power.

Anyway its not a huge deal really.. people in third world countries may have no running water and have to walk miles to collect it.. I filled the kettle up before it happened and I can go buy bottled water, just wish I got the dishes done after lunch.. no call as yet from customer care…. sometimes life just throws you spin balls… some days problems just fly out at you from left field… time to do a gratitude practice for what is NOT BROKEN TODAY…

Post script…. this is all just me processing stuff but the water company man called back and said they are sorting a plumber to fix it, I stopped them palming it off on me earlier by getting upset and being real and vulnerable and so they are going to sort a plumber to come to rectify it all in an few hours.. it seems broken shoelaces can easily be replaced…

6 thoughts on “Getting overwhelmed : a broken shoe lace!

      1. That’s great! You’re right. I’ve learned to sit with those feelings too and then they do pass. It’s better than trying to run from feelings. 🥰

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