It is not always easy to see our non regenerative patterns, those places that keep us stuck, locked up, displaced and angry or powerless. Childhood neglect or emotional abandonment often leaves us without a centre in this world, it can set up a sense of soul starvation where we do not even consciously register for a long time that abandonment issues are actually driving us to encounter disastrous repeats of childhood wounds.. So many of us just WANT TO BE SEEN OR HELD IN MIND BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE HAVE TO SACRIFICE OR LOSE GRIP ON WHO WE ARE IN THIS PROCESS?
I am slowly waking up to my own patterns.. Good consistent mirroring in therapy has helped me develop more confidence in my inner self and anger which is an emotional power charge of the soul related to the True Self, that if not honoured and tempered and managed wisely brings us unstuck.. Empaths most especially get demonised for out breaks of violent anger that come after years of repression of who we are, what we want and need, but the truth is that getting angry with others not giving it to us misses the mark, its a kind of sin in a way if you recognise the root of that word has that meaning.
We must love ourselves first but our love has to be an honest, soul confronting and grounded love based in a balanced assessment of our strengths, weaknesses, benefits and deficits. Without this grounded humility we are to open to seduction by others or alternatively diminishment, neither of which helps us to live happy lives.. Knowing ourselves is so important… And without this love we only seek love and do not really know how to give it in a fully conscious, mature, adult way.
I was directed by guidance yesterday to read the following meditation from Tian Dayton’s book Daily Affirmations for Forgiving and Moving On. It really spoke to me.. So often our externally oriented appearance based society devalues the inward turning or even a period of emotional breakdown to find the Self.. Some times it pathologises the person struggling to break out of limiting projections and self mythologies… the following reading affirms such a process so I really wanted to share it here tody.
Today I recognise myself for the work I have done in recovery. I have not been satisfied with half a life and half a spirit. I have visited my own inner darkness and shed light. I have faced my tiger in the night. May times I have been told that I dig too deeply and look too hard, but I have done it anyway – done it so that I can see the sky and hear the birds. So that the day is full and rich. I have made a decision to do what I could do, both to heal myself and to break the chain of addiction and co-dependency that passes down though generations.. Today I know that it has been worth the struggle. – if only to see life in all its beauty for just a moment.
I am grateful for the path I have trodden.
In the mouth of society are may diseased teeth, decayed to the bones of the jaws. But society make no effort to have them extricated and be rid of the affliction, it contents itself with gold fillings.