I am getting the message lately that actually everything that happens to us in life is for a purpose and its only by stopping fighting the flow that we can find the lessons and courage and acceptance to move through with grace, and here I am not talking of collapsing as happens in Complex PTSD if we are invalidated.. in this case we have a long journey of reconnecting to our True self that came into this world knowing who she or he was and got disconnected by this 3D world or began to doubt the truth and then learning to fight and ground for this truth in a healthily assertive way.
I have not got very far into it but I have recently started a book by a lady called Lorna Byrne who saw angels from a young age in Ireland and was exiled by those who judged her. When young, angels appeared to Lorna all the time, both in bodies and as beings of light or snowflakes, her mother lost her brother and the brother also used to appear to Lorna from a young age.. Luckily Lorna’s mother believed her daughter although others thought she was ‘weird’ or ‘strange’.
Luckily, Lorna held on to her truth and her understanding is that we all have angels around us but some of us don’t believe it and stop seeing them around the age of 3 and so our angels stand by powerless to help and guide us until we ask.
It is the 6th anniversary of my older sister, Judith’s death today.. she has been with me today and I gained the insight that all I went through with her on our respective soul journeys was for a purpose. Seeing a sister striving so hard to be accepted in a family system and crash taught me certain things.. when in a so called ‘bi polar’ state my sister confronted my brother over his toxic attachment to money and success she was sidelined by his family.. I am not here to sit in judgement of my brother, maybe he is living his own path and own truth but lately the way he has been treating my sister and I over our inheritance does upset me.. I had to talk a lot of it through in therapy today and Kat said I fear speaking up because in the past when I have I have been seen to be a bit ‘crazy’ or ‘mad’=when I express a strong viewpoint and it was my brother who pushed for my sister to be taken off life support instead of supporting her to live independently and have care and re-habilitation, he was happy to stay in the Golden child role and for her to be the family scapegoat. A similar thing happened to my sister at the hands of my Mum and she ended up trying to take her life in 2013 as a result and she only came good after Mum died but that has taken more than 2 years.
Now she is stronger she is going to try to fight my brother.. As a woman, sadly my Mum decided to give the power to the patriarchy and my brother as well as her solicitor and accountant.. My sister and I are not going to squander this money we just want the right to manage what is rightly ours and not be infantalised.
I draw close to my sister who passed on days like today… I am reminded of how so often what is given power in this world is the heroic egoic masculinised energy and that that is now being challenged with the Corona Virus.. we can not just go on raping and disconnecting from the planet in the way we have but our human freedoms to be and move at will, especially in nature should not ever be curtailed… Deepening into the feminine without losing connection to a powerful grounded inner masculine who is able to assert the self in the face of dysfunctional energies and systems and ways of life that serve only greed or economic profit has never been more important… God knows there are so many wonderful men out there who honour the feminine and acknowledge the strength within feeling our feelings, being sensitive and recognising our implicit interconnection with every living being and natural organic ecosystem on this divine planet.
Lately I am learning to turn towards my angels and inner guidance even more..I had a powerful session with Kat earlier where in I saw in even starker clarity how I so often unravel my own truth and undermine myself… I as made often to feel that there was something wrong with me for being a truth seeker and teller in the face of forces that did not like it, admittedly my own truth is just mine, however I love to be aligned with love and authenticity, and I have a desire to respect others on their path, I just hate to see people being curtailed or cut down or prevented to fully live by killing forces in a society or culture…been through way too much of it and seen too much of it in my own life to ever be able to be fully comfortable with it.