It saddens me to write those words in the title…I just came across a new blog by way of following another follower (just love how all of these powerful linkages work on WordPress) and in it the writer was speaking of how we need to speak up, most especially when we have been hurt, maligned, put down, negated, or invalidated.. In therapy today when much of my old stress was manifesting in a massive head pain after an energy panic in Kat’s rooms I heard this voice “keep quiet, or I will really give you something to cry about!” My therapist gets a bit of a shock when these nasty almost demonic killing voices make themselves known in therapy and often I will get a vision of a Nun in a very black habit towering over my inner child when I hear them… I know enough now to know that as a child my mother was terrorised by the Nuns and punished for not finishing school work when she came home to an empty house with no father and there was never any tenderness or empathy shown to her emotional reality.. So how could she then not pass this on.
I personally hate the idea that God is a being to be feared, surely if God exists he is a force of love, not that God would not have an angry side when certain laws of nature are violated by those who come not from love but from the anti life and anti love force of evil.
I just love the idea these days of a loving power in nature that sees me and knows me and accepts me and loves me, exactly as I am. I do believe that in many ways our modern society is often one of negation of the intrinsic naturalness and messiness of our human nature…. We are supposed to, on some level, have it all together and not speak about the mess, but the mess is just a part of who we are and we should, as children have been encouraged to speak up, not silenced, shut down or had our reality negated. For the child in us lives closest to the truth and to innocence if not corrupted by uncaring unfeeling forces in the world. Call me naive but this is what I believe. It makes me so sad to see that the fear of God has been put into the hearts minds and souls of so many of us… and that at times we literally drown in self hatred.. I was this way for so many years and now it just makes me so sad to see that this is what I believed.. In truth it was all a lie.
If you stop while going through hell, its over, you need to pray, push, shout, scream, claw your way out!
Beetreegathering @ WordPress