I was grateful to have therapy today and I left the house before lunch leaving Jasper after cuddling him and crying in the garage. I asked the groomer yesterday to give him a light trim, she took his fur back so short and hard and he was very vocal after she led him back inside (she is a mobile groomer and does it outside), he’s a sensitive little one she said, with a quizzical and strange kind of look on her face, as if he was over-reacting. I now know that triggered me, the poor little guy was stressed and I let this happen to him, was crying over it in therapy…..may seem like an over – reaction to some but not if you know my own history… Kat got it this afternoon and its not the only case of my boundaries being over-run lately. Am at my wits end with someone I told I would not help who said they would ‘never ask again’ and then did and then balked when I called them out on it.. I was spitting chips earlier.. Am not holding onto it but really I did feel like murdering someone today… also got house bound with the rain and waiting for the plumber who couldn’t get here for over a week, but turned up pretty promptly this morning, the thing I love about my plumber, Chris is that he is soft, kind and gentle and always tells you exactly what he is doing very clearly….
Anyway I am learning to hold onto my boundary and trust when I am feeling angry its a sign someone is trying to take liberties or push the envelope and this tallies with the Mars Pluto aspect coming closer and the Moon squaring Pluto and Mars today too.
Kat pointed out today that frustration over powerlessness is a huge trigger for me, when young so much happened to me that I could not control or stop, boundary violations left, right and centre and I remember my older sister saying to me in the care home in the final years before she died “never, never, never, never let anyone tell you what to do”. I was reading the Al Anon Blueprint for Progress today that not being able take advice or direction is a defect, but not in all cases. Sometimes we know what is right for us to do and no one likes being pushed. To then be fed the line that its somehow God’s will that you help the individual and that they are privy to some special kind of insight into God’s plan quite frankly rankles me even more… Sorry if this upsets some readers but what other kinds of violations have been sanctioned all in the ‘name of God’? This person has Mercury squaring their Neptune in Sagittarius which could go with a kind of God delusion….I am not averse to God or prayer and am not one to push my will if I don’t think its for the best, but to be told that if you aren’t doing something someone else wants its just because you are ignorant of God’s plan somehow doesn’t cut it for me any more.
I feel calmer this afternoon anyway. I got home and finally got Jasper out for a good walk around the block he had a bit pooh stored up and must have been stressed yesterday as it showed, we needed two separate pooh bags to clear it up and Jazzie isn’t a big dog.
I will have to look for another groomer or with autumn on the way maybe I will just keep on top of Jasper’s coat myself. I wish groomers would be more sensitive at times… I don’t think Jasper over reacted, she cut him too close..Hate feeling I did something to stress my lovely companion out but its behind us this afternoon. I just know reactions don’t lie, sometimes society forces us to temper then, but they are usually pretty good guides to what is healthy and not for us.. Having these over-ridden just leads to pain and frustration.