Why would we be scared by the ego layers of drama? Because they say loudly and clearly, you have to change, you are bad, you are wrong, you cannot fix this for me, you are worthless. These may be reminiscent of abusive messages you heard in childhood, making drama doubly powerful in its effect upon you. It can devastate your personal power and your self esteem. Each one of the dramatic layers is a verdict that triggers the same old message : I am still at the mercy of others, I still cannot let other people get to me this way. I am feeling attacked and am out of control, utterly defenceless.
I appear to be afraid of being powerless when I am really afraid of being powerful. I fear having the power to stand up to someone, to cut through all the layers, and to direct myself to the person saying “You can’t do that to me; I don’t allow that.” Instead, I tread softly and think I fear feeling when really I fear the theatrical diguises being used by someone as scared as I.
Some people are not only scared but also have malice toward you. They may be deliberately trying to scare or hurt you. They may call it “teaching you a lesson,” i.e. punishing you. This is hate – strong anger with an unforgiving desire for vengeance. Malice is a form of violence and such a mean streak may never go away. In a relationship, beware of thinking, “I can change him, I can soften him up.” It takes more than kindness or even therapy, it takes a spiritual awakening, a conversion – it may never happen.
Some partners or parents are neurotically anxious. You might have had a parent who became very irritable and spanked you, but underneath you knew there was love. But some parents, or partners, are mean and malicious and underneath is a deep disturbance which you cannot fix and they cannot fix either. And from those people you can only run.
When Love Meets Fear