After the op

Your voice was groggy on the phone

As we spoke

Afternoon light falls softly

Just as it did in the hours after Mum died

Hospital beds became a familiar place

All too familiar in those later years

As we kept our silent vigils

And it is not until we talk

That I realise how much fear I carry

And how much I stumble and falter

In really knowing how to be there

In a programme today on autism

Suffers spoke of difficulties with social cues

And obeying the rules

Everyone else just conforms to naturally

Or takes for granted

And then I recall how gauche

I so often felt in company

Always a few paces left of ‘normal’

And as they spoke of the enormous cost

Of not fitting in

Of being different

I could not help but sense how sad it is

This society

Where everything is defined

By such sharp parameters

You may never know the feelings I have in my heart

For you

I know in the past we struggled to be close

But now as I hear your voice

Still groggy from all the meds

I shed so many tears

And feel such deep seated fears

My entire body felt so strange

After we left each other here

And I stumble to find the words

To communicate

What my heart so wants to say

But somehow I must try

Because to remain silent

Just hurts me

Far far too much

And somehow I realise

As mysterious as these feelings are

This strange mix of pain and trembling

And hurting and longing

Is a lot like


Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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