Easily erased? Finding wisdom within.

Do you find yourself easily erased? As a soft compassionate empathic person I feel it can happen to me a lot. People can puff themselves up with degrees or achievements and feel you leaving like you are less than or know less than them quite easily. It is one of the reasons I am so reticent to engage with doctors and psychiatrists. Despite the fact of my PTSD I have NEVER ONCE consulted a psychiatrist. I saw what happened to my older sister who did. It wasn’t pretty. I see the puffing up on meds while the inner child grows hungrier in the gut which gets all blown up with the feelings held entrapped there that were never able to be freed. I decided long ago NO DRUGS FOR ME apart from caffeine which I take in very weak doses (1/4 strength).

These psychiatrists may have studied every one under the sun. They have their theories they ascribe to but how much of what they know comes out of harsh lived evidence of trauma and abuse? And then they grow richer on the profits of their clients? They stay in a position of control and power (maybe not intending to be, possibly having the best of loving intentions) but they hold the ‘answers’ for the wounded client who comes to them bleeding from invisible cuts. Maybe even drowning in a pool of their own blood metaphorically speaking.

I am sure there are good psychiatrists out there. I know there are. I just haven’t met a lot of them. There are also very good therapists out there but I feel the best of them have also gone through the mill themselves. They have some understanding of trauma from deep within the coal face so to speak.

What I love about AA is that professionals are not considered any better or more knowledgeable than anyone else. It is understood that often the best person to help an alcoholic or addict is another one (with one caveat : the one who has truly faced their hidden wounded traumatised or damaged places.)

That said there are gifted, compassionate, caring individuals who chose to become therapists and psychiatrists, but their effectiveness does not really rest within any qualification, intellectual understanding or theory. In the end it probably rests more upon their willingness to show unconditional love, respect and humanity; to reach out a hand when necessary; and a knowing of when to step back from helping to empower their client on their own journey to find their inner strength. It personally took me about 9 therapists to find my current one and even she has limits. But one thing I know she is just a fellow traveller on this path a mentor with wisdom and guidance to offer who shows compassion, unconditional love and deep empathy. She also reminds me when I am tempted to surrender my power to a stronger person with a harsher stance or a more strident voice or firm opinion that my own truth has validity. I personally hope always to be open to learning on this path of emotional recovery, however the wisdom we gain from within to me is the most important. It is the bedrock upon which my emotional and spiritual recovery ultimately rests