The journey of relationship : reflections on Venus stationing direct

I have been reading back on some old emails and crying a lot this morning, the Bohemian Rhapsody movie opened up something so deep for me yesterday but it’s not only that that was touching my soul, it’s the entire relational history of my life which seems to be rising up like an ocean wave and washing through my system at present and that’s par on course for Venus is soon to turn direct.  We also had the new Moon in Scorpio yesterday and that rules the Underworld Ocean depths.  I can’t wait to look into Freddy Mercury’s astrology as I thought the energy he brought to life was so powerful transpersonal and creative, very strong on Uranus and Pluto as well.

Scorpio reflects the ways we dive into old emotional patterns, and allow them to churn up into tidal waves that then release back into calm.

See :

A host of doubts and fears are circling after sending the final money to Scott the other day.   I don’t know what to believe any more, either he will be out of there in a week or so or there will be another reason why it is not happening at which point I will just have to let go completely and move on.   I know I can be on my own and survive alone, although I know I am by no means an island, no one is, and we need the love of others in our lives.  That was really shown in the movie yesterday.

Reading back on emails I was sending to a very close friend back in 2010 just before my ex Phil and I broke up I see how I was struggling with being an empath with a partner who needed certain things I could not give due to my sensitivity. For example when his mother died and he had to travel a long way back for the funeral I decided not to go with him and that hurt him.  Practically it was unmanageable due to where we were at travelling at the point and due to his dog Sally who we could not take with us and I just stayed behind a few days to mind her.   But it was not an easy decision to say I would not got.  In the email was telling my friend that I woke up crying for no reason on the morning of the just before we got the news she had died.  Partly I was scared too as when his father died and I cried too much he got upset with me and would not allow me anywhere near his father.  It sparked so much of my (at that point) still repressed ad unresolved grief around my own Dad’s death from cancer years before.

We broke up shortly after this and I wish I had understood his feelings more but I also wish he was more capable of empathy.  Reading back these emails as well others which concerned an argument I had with an older sober member in AA after we took a trip to a monastery in the country and the site of all her childhood trauma I see how much I carried and expressed collective feelings that tapped into my own then got into trouble for it.  She said some very nasty things to me because her own emotions were defended behind a lot of grandiosity and sublimation.  It’s hard to explain here. and got upset because I shared some of what happened between us on an astrology website trying to make sense of it.  At the end of the email exchange which all occurred around this time of year in 2009 however she did actually ended up apologising to me.  Never the less I cried a lot about it today and it felt good to release the sadness and grief, and very spot on with Venus soon to turn direct in the later degree of it own sign, Libra.

As life goes on we have more and more relationship history behind us and we can sometimes forget all the ins and outs of certain dilemmas in relationships but emails and diary entries can be so helpful to read years later so we get more of an idea what was going on between two individuals, both struggling with their own issues.  It is in the sign Libra that we become aware of the dilaectic and exchange betweeen two egos and souls.  We all have defences, pain and protections that we use to survive and as the movie showed yesterday its only when we can humbly own our part and go cap in hand to friends or partners or family to either say “I am sorry I am really feeling x and struggling this way” and when two or more become willing to listen, understand, empathise or forgive that we make progress taking the time to extend ourselves into the other person’s perspective or reality.    God knows life and relationships are never easy but we can make them easier by trying to understand the forces that drive us and others from without and within.


13 thoughts on “The journey of relationship : reflections on Venus stationing direct

  1. The journey of our lives is so clear when we look back but only if we look with open eyes and heart. I have healed through so many traumas in my life by facing the truth. The truth that I made mistakes. The truth that my parents were not perfect. The truth that I didn’t always put my children first. By admitting these things to myself I have been able to acknowledge, apologize and heal. Finally, I have peace.

    1. Yes honesty is the only thing that will free us. I am beginning to see my part more and more..sometimes it takes time and distance..the other things were out of our control..accepting lifes inherent imperfection helps us be more grounded and realistic. Im only getting there slowly. 🙄 .

      1. I am a religious cult survivor. I was only 12 years old when our family got involved . It lasted for 5 years until the sudden death of my father. He was 48 years old. Those scars walked with me through 3/4 of my life. It took more trauma to work through things that I thought were dealt with. Only to find out that they were still inside me. I was in my late 40’s before I was able to do the hard work of healing. My therapist was a perfect fit and through blood, sweat and many, many tears, I was able to begin to heal. I’ve been healing ever since and the journey is just getting better and better. With an open heart, your healing will continue and the more you work through the pain, you will find more tools to help you. Hopefully, I will be here with you as you walk your way through. You are doing great. Having the blog, is part of your healing.

      2. Thank you so much Mary. I need someone with me as my family never can be and it hurts me so deeply.. but I know its only other trauma survivors who are really on the path of healing and facing things that understand.

        At the moment you feel like a light in the dark to me so I want you to know how appreciative I am of you sharing your story with me and offering that connection. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

      3. The struggle was so immense and the depression so deep and dark for so long. But, I have become a whole new person through my experiences and or that I am so grateful.

      4. You must have learned so much Mary. When do you think it was you finally began to come out of the darkness of it? How many years of therapy did it take?

        I really love it that we have connected here. I feel so grateful.

        Deborah xo

      5. Hi Deborah, to be perfectly honest, the therapy was intermittent throughout my life. Here and there, usually after another crisis brought back the stuffed down emotions. I would spend several months in therapy and heal a little bit at a time. It was a process.

  2. The biggest breakthrough was when I had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to a mental health facility for about 5 days. After that, I made a committment to follow through with therapy. I was in therapy for about one year. That is where the magic finally happened. It wasn’t magic, it was a lot of hard emotional work but my heart and spirit were open to it. I learned so much and healed beyond anything I could have imagined. That was about 10 years ago. I feel stronger than I ever have now and I am able to take control of situations that I had previously allowed others to. I can’t do things to please others anymore. I have to take a stand and I learned how to do it. I am so grateful for the day that I was admitted into the hospital because I thought it was the worst day of my life but it turned out to be the best day of my life and the beginning of a wonderful newfound spirit.

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