The eyes of a child

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I looked into the eyes

Of my 6 year old self today

As tears fell

And I saw the sweetness in that soul

And the vulnerability too

It felt then

That my entire body was breaking open

To contain my soul

Like a husk

Cracking wide open

To release a seed

And within the seed and the grief of tears

I recognised all of my ancestors

Last night

At the most painful time

When you didn’t understand

Why I was hurting and waking over you

I felt my heart break again

This longing and need I had to hide

To make of myself an island

Nothing could touch

Circled about with philosophies

To keep the feelings at bay

Dissolving

And when the burning I felt

Seemed entirely too much I told myself

You need to contain this

Not blame anyone else

And then as the wound began to bleed

I heard the words of my Great Great Grandfather saying to his son 12,000 miles away

It is so bitterly cold here

And I do not know if I will ever see your face again

And I realised then how

History has tendrils

That thread their way through our DNA

And of how the spiralling that I go through

On waking

Is me trying to find my way to circle this ancestral wound

And now as the Moon moves to meet Chiron

I understand more than I ever could before

Of why you came to me

And why there have been so many forces

And such delays keeping us at bay

And then my wound bleeds more

But I have a cup to contain the blood

And crying stems the flow

And I know I can make of this

Something good

The price of consciousness must be pain

But I no longer want to suffer alone

Because as I look into the eyes of my child

I know she holds the key to so many of my mysteries

And to a secret history

That began so many ages

Before me

And today I feel I can see even further

Than those eyes could ever really see

And yet within them

I realise

I find my innocence

And my soul

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