These are just some thoughts I have contemplating this afternoon. Why is that when life places things before us, right under our noses so to speak we end up rejecting them, or we dismiss them and think our meaning or life or purpose exists in some far off place or grand project rather than what is served up to us by life?
It seems so easy to wake up each morning (for me) with a negative monologue running around in my head. Listing all of my defects, all the reasons why I cannot participate and then when life does not go according to plan, say a person is late I can start to rebel and think of how I can wrest back control so as not to be so inconvenienced. But then my anxiety grows and there is an inner tussle or an argument. If I was just patient and did not allow my triggers to kick in, displaced my attention on something else the anxiety and negative reaction would no longer be the focus and my mood shifts. Well I actually tried this today and I just let the cascade of anxious reactions in my body run their course instead of reacting or trying to change the circumstance or person and in time everything worked out fine.
For me these insights could all be coming to light as in a days time Mars opposes the Sun exactly at 4 degrees of Aquarius and Leo shedding a full moon light on my deeply entrenched Mars (action/frustration/assertiveness) patterns. I saw a lot today about not only this event to day but also about past time knee jerk reactions which ended up making my life just way more difficult where as if I could have contained my feelings in a more effective way rather than knee jerking the pain both to myself and to others could have been minimised. What I have learned lately is that its okay to be angry but its not okay just to lash out, for one thing most people are not going to understand the intensity of the response containing as it does a backlog of feelings from a host of other events and experiences. And once I can find my words in a more assertive way I have a far better chance of being heard and taken seriously. I also do not end up re-enacting the rage or anger on my own body where it causes me even more pain or anxiety or depression.
So today I am saying a big ‘Thank You’ to Mars retrograde. I do appreciate the lessons tough as they seem to have been over past weeks and years, being frustrated or delayed was not a reason to give up but a reason to keep digging and seeking or looking for the lesson in the delay or experience in order that I could grow through the process.