Brief Update

Its has been such an intense week with so much going on really befitting the Full Moon that I have not been able to write much at all.  I had a very lovely breakthrough with my brother today when he expressed tears and sadness over the loss of Mum.  He said “I’d love to have a photograph to remember her by” while tears fell.   My heart just opened wide to him and my sister sitting across from him looked quite uncomfortable while biting her lip.   It was lovely to see this display of emotion from him and i’ts not the first time.  I always knew he was a softy and despite our clashes I must say my brother doesn’t have nasty bone in his body, he just had an repressive kind of view upon emotions but if you knew his South Node was in Capricorn while his North Node (point of spiritual development and awakening) is in Cancer this shift makes a lot of sense as well as his past overly stoic and pragmatic approach to emotionsl and relationships. (Also he was born in 1944 when boys were conditioned to be tough!)

It was so lovely to feel such tenderness towards him and I got to therapy and cried down to the pit of my stomach while my therapist Kat clapped her hand in delight, I felt a huge wall of fear and defence fall down during the encounter.  We had some funny moments too as we were at Mum’s place to sort through some of her things and my Mum loved her shoes.  One of the key incidents from her emotionally neglectful childhood is that she and Nana were left alone with no support after Mum’s father died from war injuries in 1931,  they recieved absolutely no government assistance apart from a pair of ugly black bull nose shoes which my mother said she would never wear.  She just loved her red shoes and as we were looking through the cupboards we came across about five boxes with red shoes in them one pair which was never worn, as my brother was inspecting the soles for wear marks.  We had a bit of a chuckle about this.

My sis is moving into the apartment in a short while so we will go through everything over coming weeks.  Its a sad experience and its also a shedding one.  I won’t go into much more detail now as its near dinner time and I have just got back and got my dinner on after briefly taking Japser out to the oval for a run around.  We have had a chilly day of rain here and cold weather but I am happy to say inside my house it is warm and cosy and inside my heart it is cosy too.  Its so lovely to finally be able to nuture good feelings about my brother and know that the times of clash were actually instrumental in finally bringing us closer.  I felt real, true, deep love and affection as well as tendernes for him in my heart today, a much calmer feeling that those old ones of pain, anger and resentment.  So I am really really thankful tonight <3.