Well I was really proud of myself last night. I held my boundary with someone who I was trying to help who then criticised me unfairly and told them I did not appreciate being spoken to or judged when I was trying my best to help and I even asked for an apology which I got. I was even prepared to put a stop to the relationship if the apology wasn’t forthcoming and what is even best was – and this is a big thing – I knew I was in the right and absolutely did not deserve to be treated in this way. Usually when people challenge me due to poor self esteem I am prepared to collapse just to stay connected and it has backfired on me many times with family.
I felt a slow burn too this week as soon Mars planet of self esteem, assertiveness, will and going for what we want turns retrograde which only happens every two years. At these times we get a good look into past frustrations around how we may have used our power or been disempowered in the past. There can be a lot of frustration around Mars retrograde and when Mars is in what is called “the shadow zone” we start to get some idea of frustrations that could be building or where we are being pulled back into past patterns.
Saturn is about boundaries and the Sun is about self esteem but our assertive impulse needs to serve these two and not be disabled and I have Mars Moon Saturn which represents a whole lot of emotional frustration growing up and not being able to have my way or will or even feel I was very effective as a human being due to the way my parents treated me and were themselves. So it is no wonder I had to stand up for myself last night to say what I am and am not willing to put up with.
I feel a lot stronger today. I have been practicing my boundaries a lot in relationships lately. I know I have more energy when I do. I also know its my responsbility to sow my own seeds for happiness and that means not being in relationships where mutual respect is not a priority, however in the end it is in my belief in, trust of and care for myself that true happiness lies. That I can now hold onto my boundary fills me with a really good feeling.