I am reblogging this detailed post from 2016. It contains some good information for those of us who never were validated in childhood into our struggles to feel good, contact our true feelings and learn to healthily self assert.
The unavailable parent leaves their child alone emotionally. By not noticing or validating the child’s true feelings the parent denies the child an experience of his or her reality. By shaming or invalidating legitimate responses of anger or sadness, the parent disables the child’s self assertion and leaves the child with a sense, often subconscious, of longing, hunger, powerlessness and grief, as well as deeply repressed anger and sadness. Such repression lowers the person’s energy level in life and abandonment depression results.
In response to this situation the child learns to dissociate, turning away from intimacy, engaging in destructive self soothing behaviours to numb and deny pain. The person becomes vulnerable to addictions as an attempt is made to feed a hole in the soul within which should have been filled with love, compassion, empathy and understanding. Often the person has no idea what the feelings of emptiness are truly about…
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