It seemed you lived such a long way from me
So far
That now I have no choice
But to look for you
In the moon and the stars
Who knows what silent sorrow
Your heart privately kept
As you worked away in the garden
I only remember how lonely it was
To be longing to be beheld
But then I realise
A parent can only repeat their past
And as a young man you took yourself
So far from a home
Under threat
Nursing dreams of success (?)
Was it any wonder then
That your death
Led me to do the same
Years later she said to me
Get as far away as you can from ‘that one’
Pointing to my mother
‘Do what you father did’.
Was it that I was then just meant
To unconsciously repeat a tragic lonely past?
And so I ran and crashed
Until the Gods spoke to me in Glastonbury
And said go home
And here
I fell
Into the abyss for five more years
While all around me tidal swells
Threatened the fragile boat
I was trying to build
Shipwreck came
Torn and lacerated on
The jagged sharp edges of his pain
A tragic refrain
Repeated over and over
Enacted on my tender flesh
Until hardly anything was left of me
But bleeding
So now
Isn’t it a gift
To finally feel myself to be
In full possession of my soul
I can shed tears now
About deep pain and regret
And write poetry about how
Far from me you seemed
Bearing testament to my true reality
Far away from me
So very far
That the only place I could look for you
Was in the moon
In the sun
And in the stars
Reblogged this on Emerging From The Dark Night and commented:
It is only a recent outpouring but thinking of my father today I’ve decided to reblog this poem.
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