So far

Blue boy stars.jpg

It seemed you lived such a long way from me

So far

That now I have no choice

But to look for you

In the moon and the stars

Who knows what silent sorrow

Your heart privately kept

As you worked away in the garden

I only remember how lonely it was

To be longing to be beheld

But then I realise

A parent can only repeat their past

And as a young man you took yourself

So far from a home

Under threat

Nursing dreams of success (?)

Was it any wonder then

That your death

Led me to do the same

Years later she said to me

Get as far away as you can from ‘that one’

Pointing to my mother

‘Do what you father did’.

Was it that I was then just meant

To unconsciously repeat a tragic lonely past?

And so I ran and crashed

Until the Gods spoke to me in Glastonbury

And said go home

And here

I fell

Into the abyss for five more years

While all around me tidal swells

Threatened the fragile boat

I was trying to build

Shipwreck came

Torn and lacerated on

The jagged  sharp edges of his pain

A tragic refrain

Repeated over and over

Enacted on my tender flesh

Until hardly anything was left of me

But bleeding

So now

Isn’t it a gift

To finally feel myself to be

In full possession of my soul

I can shed tears now

About deep pain and regret

And write poetry about how

Far from me you seemed

Bearing testament to my true reality

Far away from me

So very far

That the only place I could look for you

Was in the moon

In the sun

And in the stars

One thought on “So far

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