Not come undone

I know your heart is beating there

And labouring under the weight of so many things you cannot seem to express

I cannot know the full truth of it I can only feel how it has been for you From very young To orient yourself around doing things for others

You found it hard to find your way in to an inner life

What can I do with how I feel What can I do with the thoughts of past pain Of the memoris of how you were run run running and I said to you Please stop Please turn within and feel your feelings

Instead there was an almighty clash and Not this time with me That sent you reeling And at the end led to capture and hospitalisation And the the shock of them trying to control your errant brain

After that it hurt so deeply For us to see the vacancy in your eyes The way your hands shook You tried to take your life then clawed your way back Only to have them defeat you again Yelling at you to get up out of bed I wasnt there but then they sent you and Mum home on the bus And you were shattered How could you trust agaim When there was no resting place No place of comfort or healing from the pain?

The pain of this locked deep inside has never been addressed and now again you will go down Surrendering your will under medication and to doctors who ask not one thing about your past While I stay here on the outside trying to find a way to be with it And not come undone?

The truth of this goes ages back and in the yard I hear our ancestors weeping as ghosts look on powerless to help And I search for the right way to turn