Waiting : when love seems absent

Blowsy

When love seems absent

Only a cold wind blows

As doubts grow

Haunting the edges of my mind

With thoughts of what you believe of me

Never positive

It seems

But how can I know

When there is only silence

Withholding

In the empty place

Where connection and sharing should be

I fill a void with worry and doubt

It was like this on the lonely afternoons

I waited for you to come home

All alone

As my mother waited

I waited also to be born

As I waited trapped in a crushed car

For them to cut me out

At the tender age of 17

It seems I have lived a life time in waiting

And so now

When you leave me here all alone

With only silence for company

It feels like an agony

But then there lives inside this breast

A silent witness

Who sees and knows how much my heart aches

And finally accepts

For when

Love

Connection

Attention is absent

Then I can only attend to me

And although my heart aches

I can only weep

How do I know what secrets you wish to keep

By staying silent

The truth is I cannot know

But my heart still longs for you

And misses you

With a waiting

A longing and an aching

So very familiar to me

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