On fear, some reflections

It seems that these days its not politically correct to feel fear.  I wrote a post the other day about fear versus love and it may have been a trifle simplistic.  For the fact is fear serves a purpose, it prevents us from engaging in a behavior which may end up hurting us, such as putting our hand in a burning fire.  The problematic side of fear is when it dissuades us from doing something that may actually be good for us that we have learned it was unsafe to risk from earlier experiences which hurt us but dont apply now. In this case we are dealing with learned fear rather than fear as a protective message from our inner self

I just read these excerpts from the chapter My Friend, Fear, in a book by therapist Andrea Matthews which were enlightening to me:

.. fear (is) a message, a signal, and could be very useful to us.  Fear is our friend because it can inform us as to when something or someone is dangerous.   …..(it) is a message to me, for me, and about me.  It tells me to watch out, duck, run, decide.  Fear can tell me to slow down so that I can see and feel all of the signal alerting me to things going on around me, so that I can make appropriate decisions.  (For example a fear of leaving an old full time job to go freelance) can be very helpful…. (in this situation) fear could be a good guide.  (leading us to ask questions about how much money we need to sustain our life, how feasible will it be to be able to make it going freelance etc).

Some of our fears are related to change – fear of change, fear of failure, fear of success.. But even these fears can guide (us) along the way.  The fear of change can tell (us) to go slow, map it out, sort out the fine distinctions… in limitations of all kinds – time and energy in order to help us make better more feasible decisions.  The fear of failure helps (us) to maintain a conscious vision so that we don’t risk when playing it safe may be a better options..

.. fears faciliate our awareness of ourselves.  In Western culture we are taught only to look at the external presssure to perform.  We commonly operate out of this pressure, so taht it manages our daily choices.  We perform because someone expects it, rather than because we have the natural and genuine capacities to perform – capacities like time, energy, focus, interest, aptitute, and love of the tasks to be done.  But fear can help us to assess and make decisions based on our genuine capacities rather than that external pressure.  Fear can say, “That’s too much, I can’t do that!”  Fear can say, “I won’t be able to keep my focus on that, there are too many other things calling me!”  Fear can say “I just don’t have the energy for that!”  Fear can even say, “If I don’t really have a desire to do it, how am I going to feel when trying to do that?”  If we listen to and heed these messages, they can save us a lot of trouble.

There is a lot of doublespeak out there from those who would tell us to get rid of our fear – as if fear has the power to act without our choosing.  But when we try to get rid of it, we simply repress it, putting it into the unconscious where it has the power to act without our choosing.  This doublespeak means that those who follow it will remain in an endless loop of trying to get rid of fear, and then being overwhelmed by it, only to try to get rid of it again.  This is not facilitationg the kind of awareness that fear wants to give us.

When fear is listened to, it becomes the voice that tells the good guy where to draw appropriate boundaries, who to trust and who to avoid, and how to maintain connection to the Self.  These are extremely important healing guides.  But if we are pushing fear away because we think, as we’ve been taught, that strong, faithful people are never afraid, then we lose out on all the wonderful benefits that fear can give us.  By listening to ourselves and by honouring what we hear, we eventually earn our own trust and, as a result, more easily live an authentic joyful life.

Andrea Matthews : Letting Go of Good : Dispel the Myth of Goodness to Find Your Genuine Self. 

Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

Categories Accepting Emotions, Emotional Awareness, Fear, Self Awareness, Self EmpowermentLeave a comment

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