Untethered

I imagine one day

You will appear

Walking down a stair

Saying

Here I am

And do you remember when

All those years ago

How we met by chance

Pulled together by mutual acquaintance

Tendril threads of fascination and attraction

Weaving their way around our hearts

Our lives were hanging by a thread

And we became intertwined for a while

But fear of trust

Ate my soul

Tearing away

At the root of us

You allowed me no place for ambivalence

And for the doubts

They sowed in my mind

And so our threads unravelled

 And I

Untethered was set free from a mooring place

As you latched on to another’s smile

I saw the signs of leaving all the while

So don’t lie

And say I bought it on myself

It was just history repeating

You bid me farewell on the boat at Helsinki

I as I bit back pain

My lip bleeding loss into a hurting heart

I had to carry over years

Later you tried to find  me

What was it you wanted to say

Sorry?

All too late

I could not see the truth

Until it was too late

My heart was blind

And full of earlier loss

You could neither know nor understand

So if I see you one day

Coming down that stair

Will I run to meet you

Or turn away again?