Having my nephew and his daughter here for these past days (two now) has been so lovely. Today I cried a lot (silently) about how lonely and hard the disconnection we suffered due to my sister’s trauma and Dad’s death was. When I hugged my little grand niece this morning and she looked at me with so much love in her soft brown eyes, my heart just swelled. I remembered how it felt to be so small, open, soft and vulnerable but also strong and wise, yet confused by all the adults around me. I was aware I did not want to pass any of my sadness onto her as it is my sadness to hold and carry, not hers to feel or heal for me. I felt how lovely it was last night to share a meal all together in my little cottage with my dog Jasper under the table bathing in the connection and love wagging his tail. I know in two days they will be leaving and I will miss them so much but I will have these good memories to sustain me. Today my nephew and I talked of past things and I found out some things I didn’t know. I will always be so grateful for these moments of reconnection. There has been so much aloneness and disconnection my life and a lot of fear around reconnecting. I need to keep remembering the fear is about past loss. Loss I will never be able to change, but that loss does not need to be the final word. At least for now.