We talked everything through

I’m home now after my therapy session.  I am very glad I went.  I was in tears on the way over there because I know when things are going well I can feel and be who I really am in Kat’s rooms.  She explained to me why she took the course she did, trying to help me build a stronger container so that in therapy we can deal with things without energy leaking out all over the place, allowing things to build percolate and tranform.  She empathised with how I felt at being so called ‘shut out’; said it was like being treated in a way by my father where my needs did not count, a course of action was decided for me and I just had to go along.  She told me it’s important that I dont feel I am ‘too much’ for her.   I see what she did came out of concern for me and our relationship and I think she was genuinely surprised I was courageous enough to come back and address things.  I am glad too, if I cut and run at Christmas I would be feeling very alone.   So all in all it ended well.   And she told me she thought I had done so well to hold through and that she saw me making really big progress to become more independent without denying the deep dependency wound I have had to carry for most of my life.

We have changed our session time to a better time now.  I was finding 3pm in the afternoon difficult because at this time my body wants to wind down or spend time resting or going for a walk with Jasper in preparation for our dinner.  Its something I pushed for and making these kind of decisions makes me feel I have some kind of power to change.

Anyway for what its worth that is my update.   This afternoon I can just relax, listen to the radio, read and write.   I’m in a calm and peaceful place.  My therapy is moving on and healing does take containment, patience and time, lots of time.


4 thoughts on “We talked everything through

  1. I really like these terms … “trying to help me build a stronger container so that in therapy we can deal with things without energy leaking out all over the place…”

    I like your therapist & I don’t even know her.

    1. She is a very special intelligent person. I am so lucky to have found her. She admits that together therapist and patient have to struggle to find their own boundaries not follow prescribed therapeutic boundaries. Anyway it all makes sense to me.

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