The following is the next installment from Mark Wolynn’s book. There is so much to share from it and I cannot possibly include it all. Each chapter unfolds the work he does in great detail. This is from the second part of the last chapter I shared in a previous post. In time I will work to put all the links together in one post.
The unspoken experiences that live in our unconscious are all around us. They appear in our quirky language. They express in our chronic symptoms and unexplainable behaviors. They surface in the repetitive struggles we face in our day to day lives. These unspoken experiences form the basis of our core language. When our unconscious breaks down our door to be heard, core language is what we hear.
The emotionally charged words of our core language are keys to the nondeclarative memories that live both in our bodies and in the ~body~ of our family system. They are like gems in our unconscious waiting to be excavated. If we fail to recognise them as messengers, we miss important clues that can help us unravel the mysteries behind our struggles. Once we dig them out, we take an essential step toward healing trauma.
Core language heps us declare the memories that have gone undeclared, enabling us to to piece together the events and experiences that could not be integrated or even remembered. When enough of these pieces are gathered into our consciousness, we begin to form a story that deepens our understanding of what might have happened to us or our family members. We begin to make sense of memories, emotions, and sensations that may have been haunting us our entire lives. Once we locate their origin in the past, in our trauma, or in a family trauma, we can stop living them as though they belong in the present. And though not every fear, anxiety, or repetitive thought can be explained by a traumatic event in the family, certain experiences can be more fully understood when we decipher our core language.
According to Wolynn we recognise our core lanuage by noticing the intense or urgent words we use to describe our deepest fear, we hear it in complaints we have about our relationships, our health, work and life situations. Core language is even revealed in the way we`ve disconnected from our bodies, and from the core of ourselves. Essentially, its the fallout from trauma that has occured in our early childhood or family history. It feels unusual, as if coming from outside, even though on some level we hear it from within. This is because often the core language we hear comes from a past lifetime or experience of an ancestor.
Core language is traced by techniques Wolynn gives in following chapter in his book. Core language often didn’t start with us but with earlier generations. We carry them for them. We often absorbed them before we developed the capacity to use language or reason ourselves
According to Wolynn finding what he calles our core language map can bring us face to face with family members who live like ghosts, unseen and ignored. Some have been long buried. Some have been rejected and forgotten. Others have gone through ordeals so traumatic, it`s too painful to think about what they must have endured. Once we find them, they are set free and we are set free.
Wolynn also draws attention to the flow of life that carries us like a river in the next chapter of his book : The Four Unconscious Themes. This flow is the surge of life that gave birth to us and if we think of the ocean we come out as an ancestral pool composed of cells that contain all our genetic imprints is obvious that often its flow or forward movement can be blocked or dammed up. According to Wolynn is through our parents that we are plugged into the very current of life (although unaware of the current). We inherited our spark from our parents (even if it is dimmed by trauma loss or pain) which is our life force. From what Wolynn has observed in his practice
when our connection to parents flows freely, we experience ourselves as more open to what life brings our way. When our connection to our parents is impaired in some way, the life force available to us can feel limited. We may feel blocked, constricted, or feel outside the flow of life, as if we are swimming upstream against the current. Ultimately we suffer and don`t know why.
We can find the resources to heal the ways this flow may be blocked or stymied, though but this can involve deep resistances if we felt the parent’s disconnection from us at a very deep personal level. First we need to sense the state of the life flow that connects us to both parents. We can do this by asking the following questions:
Do I welcome my parents or shut them out?
Do I sense them welcoming me?
Do I experience Mum and Dad differently?
Is my body relaxed or tight as I visualise them?
If a life giving force were flowing from me to them, how much of it would be getting through? 5, 10, 25, 50, 75 or 100 percent?
The life flow to and from our parents can be blocked in one of four ways, according to Mark Wolynn`s experience.
- We merged with a parent
- We rejected a parent
- We experienced a break in the early bond of our mother
- We have idenified with a member of our family system other than our parents.
Any of these can block our ability to flourish, grow and achieve in life. When we understand the themes and know how to look for them we identify and can work with them by doing work to change or remove the blocks energetically, in imagination and even in life.
In addition to these interruptions we may also have endured an interruption in our life flow energy if we underwent another kind of personal trauma, if we did something we feel guilty about or hurt someone. Guilt has the power to freeze the life force and its impact can be passed down to future generations.
Later in this chapter Mark elaborates on how each of the four unconscious patterns can manifest in greater detail and using personal examples from his own work with clients. To close this post and get it out tonight I will include below the core language and sentences which may dominate us at a conscious or unconscious level due to absorbed trauma or issues from the past that lay unresolved deep inside us and our family ancestral fate:
“I’m all alone,”
“They’ll reject me.”
“They leave me.”
“I let them down.”
“I’ll lose everything.”
“I’ll fall apart.”
“I;ll go crazy.”
“It’s all my fault.”
“They abandon me.”
“They betray me.
“It will never end.”
“The world is not safe.”
As you read about the work Mark Wolynn has done with his clients you will come to see that each core sentence makes complete sense when a fuller ancestral history is known. One example is of a woman who could not fall pregant and then when she did had all kind of fears and symptoms only to find that a grandmother’s child was still born with the umbilical cord tied around its neck.
According to Wolynn
core sentences are like traveling sentences, much like travelling salesmen who knock on door after door until someone lets them in. But the doors they solicit are the psyches of those who follow in a family system. And the invitation to enter is without conscious permission. (A kind of unconscious obligation)… an unconscious attempt to heal family pain.
A fear of losing everything may relate back to an earlier loss. A fear of being rejected may relate back to an earlier rejection in the ancestral line. This is most certainly what happened in my family where a rejection repeated skipping over two generations.
We may have to do a lot of searching to find out where these cores sentences come from in the family especially since so much that is traumatic is often denied or kept under a veil of silence and secrecy. One way to access it is to examine your deepest fears there are often good reasons for these though this may not be apparent if we dont know the family history. Mark claims we can still try to open a dialogue with our ancestors in order to communicate with them. His work involves using imagry to connect and to give back the fear and trauma or pain that was never ours in the first place.
Time does not allow me to expound more on the contents of Mark’s work tonight. More can be found in the book. I will be shearing a little more from it in following posts over coming days.