I am reblogging this post of mine from yearly a year ago because as I read it I see how I am moving through similar issues at the time of year where resistance can be high due to the shadows of old grief that linger. Its partly a reminder to me that I come through and that though I sometimes so fear contact often it can end up okay and I feel better for moving through resistance.
I am very aware today of how deeply I bury and have buried all of my sadness over years. On Christmas eve when I felt literally like I was being crushed by a heavy, heavy weight I had no alternative but to lie down. I had been on the phone with a friend who just let me cry and cry without saying much. He simply said “you seem to be so very sad, why are you so sad?” I think that is why after the call ended and I tried to put it into words and I made a light thing to eat I got overcome again. I should not have had to reach for an explanation for my sadness I should just have felt it.
But feeling it isn’t very easy to do all the time when I am alone. I have noticed that often my pain will only start to move…
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Emerging From The Dark Night 