I wrote this quite a few weeks ago and it concerns how I was treated in my last relationship. Often my grittier, real posts don’t see the light of day. I feel guilt for stating a harsh truth, setting a boundary or being legitimately angry over harsh treatment. My mother taught me she could not survive my anger and so boundaries were hard. I am posting this today to get it ‘out’.
Can you see me? Doesn’t really matter now As I see myself You will never live inside my skin and I will never live in yours But sometimes I will meet a fellow traveller on the road They will see my scars or show me theirs and we will In that one brief instant recognise each other There will be no need for fear or hiding There will only be an open embrace Not a defensive stare Or that heart breaking glare Of how dare you Strange and dangerous creature!
It isn’t my fault that you cannot see me but still it can cut Especially when you misunderstand You label me agoraphobic not knowing I have known trauma And also that as an intuitive empath I absorb more and feel things more deeply being susceptible to energies that fall off your back
You say I am too sensitive not knowing the cuts or hole of misattention that kept my boundaries open or stopped them from forming at all You can never know that due to never having been shown empathy for struggling in this way its a long process to learn who I really am and what I feel inside and to put up the barrier or stop your misguided perceptions from stealing in and wounding me takes pain suffering learning and time
For so long I hoped that you would see me But really what I now understand is that all along you only saw your projection And when I failed to affirm your limited view of things I was then a threat that had to be amputated or exiled Or an infection you had to take distance from telling me how sick I made you But then maybe just maybe you were sensitive too and due to the fact I was in so much pain I could not understand
Now do you not see me? That is okay! There are those around who see me, know me, get me. There are those too who actually think I am kind of special and great They let me be goofy They don’t cast water on my ideas and they don’t try to reign me in due to their own fears of being out of or losing control All in all it really is okay If you don’t see me Just as long as I see myse